September2011

21 Days to Becoming a Better Parent

21 Days to Managing Your Stress

Download Susan's FREE E-Seminar Now!

Learn to Speak So Others Listen

Susan Fee: Communication Tip Sheet
September 2011 Edition

In This Issue

News & Notes: Fall is for Change

Topic of the Month: Silencing Your Inner Critic

Questions for Reflection

Action Step

...................................

News & Notes: Fall is for Change

I’ve always thought of September as the beginning of the New Year, rather than January. Maybe it has to do with the changing colors or kids returning to school, but September feels like the right time to regroup and focus on the future.

I start by reviewing my progress on last year’s goals before making new ones. I’ve crossed a few off my list and that feels great! Some goals that seemed important last year have fallen by the wayside. Others remain important, yet not achieved. Why? They’re hardly unattainable; I just haven’t developed the habits to produce the desired outcome.

Changing habits is the core of extraordinary change. That’s why I’m excited to share my new 21 Days series about making significant life changes in just three weeks. Two titles are completed with more scheduled for release. Check out 21 Days to Becoming a Better Parent and 21 Days to Managing Your Stress.

If thinking about changes stirs up your inner critic, this month’s tips will help you silence that voice and replace it for good!

Until next month,

And, just for fun and inspiration, take a look at this speech by d

Susan Fee

Topic of the Month: Silencing Your Inner Critic

“I can do this!”

“Are you kidding? Who are you trying to fool? Don’t even try.”

Do you ever have this tug-of-war conversation going on in your head? One voice expresses encouragement and faith while the other (not necessarily your voice) plants doubt. Depending on which voice you listen to, you’re either making great strides in your life or remaining stagnant.

There are two versions of the inner critic: healthy and unhealthy. The healthy version presents reasonable ego checks and motivates growth. The unhealthy version manifests fear and self-loathing based on distorted thoughts. This can be the precursor to mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression.

Here are four ways to silence your negative inner critic:

Monitor Your Thoughts. Just what does your inner critic say to you? Does it call you fat? Incompetent? Fraud? Unlovable? As harsh as these words may seem, write them down. Second, trace their origins. How did you develop this self-judgment? Are these your thoughts or did someone else plant them?



Dispute Distortions. If you can produce any evidence against these statements, then there’s no way they can be 100% true. Next to each statement, document facts to combat the lies and partial truths. Self-criticism may currently be your automatic default, but you can re-train your brain to automatically challenge falsehoods.



Update Facts. At one time in your life, some of these thoughts may have been true, but not anymore. Are you holding on to a past version of yourself by repeating old critiques? If you hear someone else’s voice criticizing you, let it go. That person no longer has power over you. Remind yourself of the positive changes you’ve made.

Assign New Meaning. When your inner critic starts nagging at your confidence, stop and ask yourself how to address your concerns. Do you need to get training, seek information, or find a mentor? What’s the worst thing that could happen? (No one has ever died from embarrassment.) Instead of letting that voice stop you, let it prepare you to move forward.

Questions for Reflection

What situations cause your inner critic to speak the loudest?

What’s your typical response to your inner critic?

When are you most able to ignore or challenge your inner critic?

Action Step

Choose one critique that causes the most self-doubt. Write a response to your inner critic that states the truth and say it out loud. Repeat until you’ve formed a new habit of challenging negative thoughts.

Interested in booking training or coaching? Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com.

Susan Fee is a professional clinical counselor, personal coach, and national speaker. She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Dealing with Mean Girls, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy! She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2011