May 2010

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Susan Fee

Susan Fee: Communication Tip Sheet
May 2010 Edition

In This Issue

News & Notes: Legacy

Topic of the Month: Creating a Yes Environment

Questions for Reflection

Action Step

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News & Notes: Legacy

One Sunday, the pastor of my church was sharing what it was like to preside over a funeral. “Please, make my job easy!” he said. “Live your life today so that people have great stories to share about you when you pass.” My father, who died April 18th, 2010 heeded that advice.

When someone dies, it’s hard to know what to say. But, my father made it easy for all who interacted with him. My brother and I have been overwhelmed with the stories that people have shared about our dad, all them involving his kindness, exuberance, and sense of humor. He made a positive impact.

Dad loved a good story, and after 25 years in the F.B.I. he had plenty to share. Ten years ago, I wrote an essay about him that was first published in Chief of Police magazine. You can read the article, "G-Man."

Make it your goal this month to create a positive story in someone else’s life.

Until next month,

And, just for fun and inspiration, take a look at this speech by d

Susan Fee

Topic of the Month: Creating a Yes Environment

“Mark your calendar for April 26,” author Patti Digh told an audience of 3,500 at the American Counseling Association’s national conference in Pittsburgh last month where I was in attendance. “That’s 37 days from today. What if you only had that many days to live?"

Digh is the author of, "Life Is a Verb: 37 Days to Wake Up, Be Mindful, and Live Intentionally." Her book was inspired after her stepfather was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2003 and died 37 days later. Ironically, a friend had given me this book last year. At the time, I glanced through it. Little did I know that I would experience Digh’s powerful speech one year later and 37 days after that, my own father would die.

Digh answered the question herself and came up with six themes to how she wanted to live her life. (Read more about her speech here.) One of them was to, “Say yes more.”

She led us through an illuminating exercise about the difference between responding to new ideas with, “Yes, but” or “Yes, and.” It’s huge! One way blocks communication, the other takes it forward. Here a few more tips to create a “yes” environment.

Greet new ideas. Practice problem solving and brainstorming with a “Yes, and” response to every idea. You’ll find the number of ideas increase and the quality improves immensely. In addition, the overall atmosphere becomes positive and energetic.

Agree with complaints. It’s natural to become defensive when someone complains to us. However, if you can find one thing to agree on, the complaint is immediately diffused. For instance, if a customer complains about inconvenient hours, you can respond: “Yes, you’re right. We do offer hours to meet the needs of the majority of our customers and we have found customer schedules vary greatly. How can I help you now?”

Go with resistance. Difficult people can be highly resistant. Think of communicating with them like walking through a revolving door. Successful navigation requires timing and walking in the right direction, with not against. Use the “yes, and” technique when met with an objection or insult. For example, if a difficult person says, “That’s stupid! I don’t agree!” One response could be, “Yes we do see things very differently and that’s why it’s important for us to keep talking so we can understand each other.” This takes practice, but once you get the idea then resistance will never intimidate you again!

Questions for Reflection

What’s your normal way of responding to new ideas or resistance?

What common complaint do you receive that you can respond to with, “Yes, and”?

What do you most often say, “No” to? Is there any part of the situation that you could agree with?

Action Step

Think of a recent situation in which you objected. Imagine how it might have turned out differently if you had responded with yes, and.

Interested in booking training or coaching? Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com.

Susan Fee is a professional clinical counselor, personal coach, and national speaker. She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Dealing with Mean Girls, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy! She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2010