It's Not About The Stuff!  The Emotional Roots of Clutter

21 Days to Managing Your Stress

In This Issue

News & Notes: The Meaning of Stuff

Topic of the Month:  Tackling Excuses for Clutter

Questions for Reflection

Action Step

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News & Notes: The Meaning of Stuff

After 11 years in our house, we’re finally finishing our basement.  But first, we had to clean it, which may have been the reason we held off for so long!  At the same time, I’ve been researching the emotional roots of clutter for a program I’m delivering this month.  Hardly a coincidence, I’m sure. 

When it comes to letting go of our stuff, it’s really the emotional ties that we’re struggling to part with, not the object.  We’ll tell ourselves anything to justify hanging on.  Hence: my overstuffed basement.

The New Year is for starting fresh.  My hope is that this month’s excuse busters will help you to clean out your soul and closets.

 

Until next month,

And, just for fun and inspiration, take a look at this speech by d

Susan Fee

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Topic of the Month: Tackling Excuses for Clutter

When you think of clutter, you may picture stacks of paper piled on your kitchen counter, bulging closets, or boxes of hand-me-downs stored in your attic.  But, clutter is more than material items.  It’s anything that stands between you and your best life including mental, emotional, relationship, and financial clutter.  In fact, the reason for physical clutter is usually because another area of your life lacks clarity. 

Often, I see clients in therapy whose lives are in disarray.  Not surprisingly, their physical appearance and environment reflect their internal chaos.  When they finally gain a clear vision for their lives and the courage to see it through, their first impulse is to get rid of the clutter that’s been in their way like old beliefs, convictions, habits, memories, and yes, material items.

Getting organized on the outside, starts with getting organized on the inside.  Once you let go of these common excuses, you can start getting rid of clutter:

I paid “good” money.  Have you ever paid “bad” money for anything?  The cost of an item doesn’t equal its value.  While it may have a high price tag, it only has value if it serves a real purpose or pleasure in your life today.  Consider the hidden emotional costs of keeping things only because you paid a lot of money, like the constant reminder of a choice you now regret. 

I’m saving it for my kids.  Your kids don’t have the heart to tell you this, so I will:  They don’t want your old stuff.  If they do happen to need an item years from now, they more than likely would prefer a new one, according to their own tastes.

It was a gift/inheritance.  (See above.)  This excuse has guilt and obligation written all over it.  It’s possible to honor the person, intent, or memory without holding on to things that are not useful. 

I may need it some day.  Holding on to everything “just in case” may seem practical, but actually this excuse is motivated by fear.  Just in case of what?  The future is unpredictable.  It’s impossible to plan for every situation, so you have to have confidence that you can find resources when you need them or find another way to make due.  

I used to use it all the time.  Needs, interests, and lifestyles change.  As we grow, our environment needs to adapt.  That means getting rid of or updating belongings that no longer reflect who you are today. 

Susan's suggested reading list on Controling Clutter.

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Questions for Reflection

If you were to conduct a clutter audit, where might you find clutter? Areas of your life to consider: mental, emotional, relationships, financial, and environment. 

What do you tell yourself in order to justify your clutter?  Are any of your reasons based on irrational beliefs?

What clutter is standing between you and your best life?

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 Action Step

Wait 48 hours before making any new purchase.  If it’s that important, you’ll feel just as strongly about it then as you did in the moment.   

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Interested in booking training or coaching?  Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

Susan Fee is a professional clinical counselor, personal coach, and national speaker.  She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Dealing with Mean Girls, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!  She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2012