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In This Issue

News & Notes:  Golf Lessons

Topic of the Month:  Conversation Hiccups

Questions for Reflection

Action Step

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News & Notes: Golf Lessons

I’ve been able to enjoy a few rounds of golf this summer.  (The way I play, it’s very good exercise!)  Every time I need to work on my swing, I’m reminded of how small adjustments can make such a huge difference in where your ball lands.  The same is true in communication.

The distance between good and great communication skills can be reached by making a few small tweaks.  So, if your messages are ending up in “sand traps,” this month’s tips will help you change your trajectory. 

Until next month,

And, just for fun and inspiration, take a look at this speech by d

Susan Fee

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Topic of the Month: Conversation Hiccups

Have you ever imagined yourself having a conversation, and in your mind, everything makes sense but, when you try to say the same thing in real life, the whole thing falls apart?  That’s how former NBA player Charles Barkley describes his golf swing.  If you’ve never seen it, you must watch this video!  (Even if you don’t play golf, you can appreciate that something just isn’t right.)

 

Barkley says his unique swing been called everything from a stutter to a hiccup and looks nothing like how he imagines it in his head!  He says it never happens during his practice swings taken without the ball.  But, as soon as he addresses that little white thing, something comes over him that golf coaches and sports psychologists have yet to help him solve.  

If you experience similar hiccups in your real life conversations, here are four tips to help you smooth your delivery:

Simplify.  What’s your point?  If you can’t say it in one sentence, you can’t convey in 30 minutes.  Knowing your bottom line will help you choose what belongs in a conversation and what to edit.  Otherwise, you risk rambling or going off on a tangent.  Remember, a bottom line is a sentence, not a paragraph.  

Remain in the moment. It’s dangerous to script an entire conversation in your head because it requires that the other person respond exactly on cue, otherwise you get tripped up.  The conversation tends to fail because you’re in your head rather than in the moment.  It’s fine to practice a few key, short phrases as long as you’re willing to listen and respond to the other person.  Conversation will flow as dialogue rather than a monologue, and it’s a lot less work for you!

Ask a question.  If you feel like what you’re saying is just not coming out right, take a break from talking and focus on the other person.  Asking an open-ended question (one that requires more than a one-word response) shows interest in the other person and gives you time to re-group.

Focus on intent.  If words are failing you, it’s okay to state the obvious, and just share your intent.  It might sound like this:  “I can’t seem to find the right words to say what I mean, but this is my intent.”  A phrase like that can smooth over an awkward situation and keep the conversation moving forward. 

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Questions for Reflection

What topic, if any, causes you to get the conversational hiccups?

What person, if any, causes you to get tongue-tied?

When is the last time you planned a whole conversation in your head?  Did it go as you imagined?

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 Action Step

Avoid scripting conversations in your head.  Instead, challenge yourself to respond in real time to what the other person is saying.  

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Interested in booking training or coaching?  Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

Susan Fee is a professional clinical counselor, personal coach, and national speaker.  She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Dealing with Mean Girls, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!  She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2011