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Susan Fee

In This Issue

News & Notes:  Bouncing Forward

Topic of the Month: Explanatory Style

Questions for Reflection

Action Step

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News & Notes: Bouncing Forward

Just when it seemed it would never arrive, spring is here!  Each season serves as a reminder that change is constant.  Circumstances or certain relationships may make us feel like we’re stuck.  But, sometimes the only thing that’s stuck is our own perception. 

Your perceptions determine your thoughts.  This is extremely powerful because wherever your thoughts are going, that’s where you’re going.  You are, and will become that which you think about the most!  So, if you’re thinking about how stuck you are, well, you are.

Getting unstuck starts with how you explain situations to yourself.  This month’s tips will help you adopt an optimistic viewpoint.  It’s an excerpt from my new E-Seminar, Bouncing Forward:  How to Positively Respond to Life’s Challenges.  Remember, you can download this 60-minute podcast and workbook anytime!  By saving it to your computer, you can listen and learn at your own pace.

And, for those of you with children heading off to college next fall, check out my new videos on how to get along with roommates.  Talk about change!

 

Until next month,

And, just for fun and inspiration, take a look at this speech by d

Susan Fee

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Topic of the Month: Explanatory Style

In the 1950’s hit TV show, I Love Lucy, Ricky Ricardo used to say to his wife, “Lucy!  You’ve got some ‘splaining to do!”  Actually, we all do.  Whether we’re aware of it or not, we are constantly explaining the meaning of events to ourselves.  Our response depends entirely on the story we tell ourselves.  This is called your explanatory style.

There are two types of explanatory styles:  optimistic and pessimistic.  While we don’t control the events that happen to us, we do control how we respond.  Research suggests that those with an optimistic viewpoint are far more resilient, experience less stress, and report higher rates of happiness.  Note that this does not mean they experience less adversity!  Quite the opposite is true.  Those who’ve adopted an optimistic explanatory style have many times experienced more challenges than most.  Here are two different ways you can describe the same challenging event.

Optimistic   

                                                             

Transient.  While the circumstances may be challenging, they will pass or at least decrease in intensity at some point. 

                                                               

Isolated.  The event is contained rather than affecting your whole life. For instance, if you’re dealing with a difficult boss, that story is not allowed to spill over into other areas of your life like personal relationships.  

                                                                

Focused on controllable.  The event is filtered through the question, what part of this do I control?  

                                    

Pessimistic

Permanent.  Whatever the event, the person believes that it won’t change, using the words “always” and “never” to describe it. 

Global.  Discussion of the event clouds every aspect of a person’s life.  For example, if your computer freezes up first thing in the morning, you’d say, “There goes the WHOLE day!”  

Uncontrollable.  You assume “everything” is out of your control and there’s “nothing” you can do.  One clear sign of this is feeling and acting like a victim. 

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Questions for Reflection

According to these descriptions, is your explanatory style generally optimistic or pessimistic?

Consider the explanatory styles of people in your social and work environments.  How do they compare to yours?

How has your explanatory style either helped or hurt you?

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 Action Step

Think of one of the most challenging events in your life.  Explain the details in both an optimistic and pessimistic viewpoint.  Pay attention to how each story affects your behavior.    

 

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Interested in booking training or coaching?  Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

Susan Fee is a professional clinical counselor, personal coach, and national speaker.  She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Dealing with Mean Girls, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!  She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

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