In This Issue

News & Notes: Run Like a Girl

Manager's Tip Sheet:  Motivate Without Fear  

Personal Tip Sheet:  Cut the Sarcasm 

Difficult Conversations:  Getting Your Name Wrong, Again      

Workshops, Products, and Services 

...................................

News & Notes:  Run Like a Girl

There was a time I may have been insulted if someone said I ran like a girl, but after completing my first half-marathon, I take it as a compliment!  It took me two hours and twenty-two minutes and I came in 49th out of 64 women in my age group (40-44.)  No matter that the first place runner finished one hour ahead of me, I gave it all I had.  Now, it’s an accomplishment no one can take away from me.

I say this not to brag, but to demonstrate how important it is to remind ourselves of our personal achievements.  These are the thoughts and images that help us create positive self-talk when enduring challenges.  Positive psychology encourages us to think vividly about the times when we were proud, satisfied, and joyful so that we can apply those same thoughts and behaviors to solve current problems.  We’ve all run our own marathons in different ways, and you can call on those experiences for a lifetime of inspiration.

You can check out my race day pictures and join in the chat on my new blog for Q104 radio in Cleveland.  It’s called “Mom Space.” I occasionally fill in as the morning show co-host and I’m honored to host this new exchange for moms.  Go to www.Q104.com and scroll down until you see the Mom Space blog.  As always, I look forward to your comments! 

Until next month,

 

Susan Fee

---

Manager's Tip Sheet: Motivate Without Fear

 

Do you need to motivate your staff?  Howard Gardner, a professor at Harvard’s Graduate School of Education warns against resorting to scare tactics.  If your management style resembles that of the character played by Alec Baldwin in Glenngary Glen Ross, the results will be short lived. 

He’s studied what works most effectively for heads of state and corporate CEOs and suggests creating a simple message that includes three elements:

Identifiable.  Deliver a message that’s relatable.  If you don’t see heads nodding and people responding with, “Yes, that’s my story,” dig deeper for examples.  If you present a bar so high that staff cannot image how to achieve it, they’ll give up before they try. 

Emotionally Resonate.  Emotion is what moves us to change, not facts and figures.  (If that were true, Americans would eat better and exercise more after learning our stats for obesity.)  The tendency is to stir up negative emotions based on fear. Instead, tie in to what people want to achieve and the benefits of those actions.  For example, instead of threats of job loss and scarcity, create a picture of security and abundance.     

Evoke Positive Experiences.  Recall positive achievements and challenge staff on how they managed such an outcome.  Remind them what they are made of and how they behaved when responding in a positive way.  Encourage them to tell their own success stories.

---

Personal Tip Sheet:  Cut the Sarcasam

 

Sarcastic people like to call their remarks “witty,” but others say they’re just plain mean, or at the very least confusing.  So what’s up with using sarcasm?  The July/August 2007 issue of Psychology Today offers some interesting insights.  The bottom line is that sarcasm is a vehicle for aggression.  Sarcastic people hide behind their comments, calling them “jokes,” when in fact they are expressing anger and their own insecurities.  If others are offended, the standard comeback is, “Can’t you take a joke?”

A certain level of sarcasm can be funny, but it’s over-the-top if you find yourself having to apologize or people can’t tell when you’re being sincere.  Here are four more tips from author Elizabeth Svoboda to help keep you in check.  

Know Your Audience.  Some folks can take a dose of sarcasm and dish it right back.  But, it’s certainly not for everyone.  If you’ve offended people in the past, take note and don’t repeat it.  It’s not your job to toughen up your audience.  Beware of using it with total strangers as it could easily be misread.  

Scan Before You Send.  Email, texts, and memos are not the place for sarcasm, since its interpretation is highly dependent on tone.  Not only do your messages have a greater chance of being misinterpreted, there will also be written proof.

Examine Your Motivation.  Does using sarcasm make you feel superior or smarter than others?  Cutting down others in an attempt to shore up your own self-esteem will only lead to more feelings of inadequacy. 

Err on the Side of Caution.  Consider if your remarks will preserve or damage the relationship.  When in doubt, play it safe.  If you find it difficult to hold your tongue, go back to examining your motivations. 

 

Replace sarcasm with positive communication.  

---

 Difficult Conversations: Getting Your Name Wrong, Again

Q:  My boyfriend of three months introduced me to his family at a picnic.  His mother insisted on calling me by his last girlfriend’s name, even after my boyfriend corrected her multiple times.  His sisters told me how much they liked the last girlfriend.  I felt very uncomfortable and unwelcome.  What should I have said?

A:  Wow!  Hopefully the food was good since the conversation was no picnic!  The good news is you got a preview of your boyfriend’s family dynamics.  Although you appeared to be the target, this was all about him and his family’s passive-aggressive communication style.  They pulled you into something called triangulation, which is speaking to him through you (parents often use children to do this).

In this case, it’s not worth investing too much energy being offended since this seems like a deeply entrenched family pattern.  It’s your boyfriend’s situation to solve.  If you’ve already politely corrected them on your name a few times, the best response would be to smile and play it off as a joke such as, “How did you know that was my nickname?” 

You may be tempted to start calling them by the wrong names too, but then you’d be playing the same passive-aggressive game, so don’t fall into that trap!  

     

Submit your difficult questions to Susan_Fee@msn.com.  If your question is chosen for publication, you’ll receive a complimentary copy of Dealing With Difficult People.

   

   

---

Workshops, Products, and Services

Upcoming Workshops and Appearances.  Engagements are open to the public when noted.

"Wasn't I Just Here?"

The Ohio State University

September 7

Columbus, OH

"Dealing With Difficult People"

Avery Dennison

September 21 & 28

Mentor, OH  

“Mean Girls:  Helping Your Daughter Develop Positive Friendships”

October 23, 6:30-8:30 PM

“Full Esteem Ahead!  Building and Maintaining Self Esteem in Girls”

October 30, 6:30-8:30 PM

Cost:  $20 per workshop, or $35 for both.

Location:  7007 E. Sprague, Suite 1, Independence, OH.

Register by calling:  800-600-5327

 

Products and Services

 

New!  Parent Coaching for Daughters

 

Order a PowerPack and save money!

Interested in booking training or coaching?  Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

Susan Fee is a licensed counselor, business and personal coach, and college adjunct faculty member.  She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!  (Adams Media).  She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2007