8-06

Books, booklets, and e-booklets by Susan Fee

Susan Fee: Communication Tip Sheet
August 2006 Edition

In This Issue

News & Notes: Listen and Learn

Manager's Tip Sheet: Teach Through Stories

Personal Tip Sheet: How to Build Rapport

Difficult Conversations: Supporting College Freshmen

Workshops, Products, and Services

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News & Notes: Listen and Learn

Sometimes I get so caught up in doing my life, meeting deadlines and accomplishing goals, that I stop listening. I'm mean the kind of listening that requires being still, paying attention, and forgetting pre-set agendas. It's amazing what can happen when you stop talking and start listening.

The result has led me in a direction that I had not anticipated. Thanks to numerous conversations with parents, educators, and young girls across the country, I've developed a new program called Circle of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. designed to help girls ages 7-12 to increase self-esteem, manage feelings, and build friendships through positive communication.

I'm thrilled to expand my training of assertive communication to young girls. Speaking as the mother of a daughter, there's no greater satisfaction than seeing her eyes beam with confidence! Yet, none of this would have occurred had I not stopped to listen. Give it a try. You never know what you might be missing.



Until next time,

Susan Fee

Manager's Tip Sheet: Teach Through Stories

Think back to the best teacher you ever had. What do you remember? How did he or she capture your interest? How does your best teacher experience compare to your worst? Great teachers make their material relevant. They help us understand by telling stories and providing real world examples rather than lecturing.

How do you teach your staff? What do you sound like during staff meetings? Instead of falling back on lecturing, see if you can make your points through stories. Doug Stevenson of Story Theater is the master of this technique. Here are some ways he suggests gathering material for great stories:

Observe. Keep an eye out for people doing small, yet meaningful things that exemplify company spirit and then tell their story at a meeting.

Listen at lunch. Walk through the lunch room and listen to what people are talking about. Do you hear stories of customer problems, solutions, or service that you can share?

Interview. Talk to longtime employees. Gather their wisdom, quirky insights, and amazing tales. Ask permission to tell their stories or invite them to share at a meeting.

Talk to customers. What do your customers or clients have to say? Report their observations in a story that highlights the good work of your staff.

Lead meetings with confidence!

Personal Tip Sheet: How to Build Rapport

Have you ever met someone and felt like you instantly clicked? It's a feeling of ease, when conversation flows, and each of you feels understood. That sense of connection is called rapport, and it's a skill that can be developed.

Perhaps you've known people who are able to build rapport quickly. Put them in any situation and they can strike up a conversation with strangers as if they've known them a lifetime. They are instantly likeable. Think about people you like and you'll unlock the key to rapport: We like people just like us. In other words, building rapport means adapting to the style of the other person through a technique called mirroring. Here are five ways to mirror another person to build rapport:

Mirror, don't mock:    There's a fine line between mirroring another person's communication style and mocking it. Be careful not to become an exaggerated version of someone else. Give your full attention to the other person and notice how he or she appears to be comfortable. This doesn't mean you're being fake since you're not changing your message, just delivering it in a way that someone else is more likely to hear it.

Mirror body language. Pay attention to all body language such as facial expressions, eye contact, and personal space. Notice how people sit – do they lean forward, back, or cross their legs? Assuming similar body language puts others at ease. (Some of you may recognize this from my seminars when I ask you to freeze and notice how closely you are matching the body language of the people next to you. It's usually identical!)

Mirror volume, tone, and rate. Speak at the same rate and volume as the other person. For instance, someone who speaks slowly and softly will feel more comfortable with that style.

Mirror breathing rate. This one is more subtle and will take some practice. Matching the other person's breathing rate helps you match their energy level. It puts you in synch, almost like a dance. Start by becoming aware of your own breathing patterns. The more relaxed we are, the more slowly we breathe. Short, shallow breaths usually reveal anxiety. Breathing rates tend to match speaking rates.

Next month I'll share how to use these techniques when attempting to calm down an angry person.

More tips for building rapport.

Difficult Conversations: Supporting College Freshmen

Q: My son will be a freshman in college. This will be his first time away from home and I'm worried that he won't manage well. How do I ask him if he needs help without appearing overbearing?

A: The transition into college life, like any big change, can be exciting and scary at the same time. Let your son know that you have confidence in his abilities, and you are there if he needs you. Let him take the lead, and shift your role to more mentor than parent. Avoid swooping in to save him as it only communicates that you don't think he's capable. Accept that he may make a few mistakes, and that's exactly what's supposed to happen at this stage!

Before he leaves, discuss how often you will communicate. This way, you won't be tempted to call him every five minutes. He'll let you know if he needs more support if he increases contact. You might offer him encouragement this way, “I'm so proud of you and I'm confident you'll do well. I know we'll talk weekly, but if you run across a situation you want to discuss, I'm here to listen any time.”

One caution: be prepared for the dump call. That's when your college kid calls to dump all his troubles on you. He feels better, but you'll be in a frenzy! Stay calm, listen, and assume all will be fine because he probably won't call you back with an update.

More college survival tips.

Submit your difficult conversations to Susan_Fee@msn.com.

Workshops, Products, and Services
Upcoming Workshops and Appearances.

“College Survival Tips”

WKYC-TV's Good Company

August 10

Cleveland , OH

“Coaching Skills for Managers”

IMCEA MWR Expo 2006

August 15-16

Louisville , KY

“Roommate Mediation”

College of Wooster , John Carroll University , Cleveland State University

August 17-21

Cleveland , OH

“Understanding Relational Aggression” Staff Training

Lake Ridge Academy

August 25

North Ridgeville , OH

“Circle of F.R.I.E.N.D.S”

September 9-October 7

Independence , OH

Register by calling (440) 963-0402 or 800-600-5327

Products and Services

Interested in booking training or coaching in 2006? Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com.

Susan Fee is a licensed counselor, business and personal coach, and college adjunct faculty member. She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy! (Adams Media). She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2005