5/11

New on DVD!

Help Girls' Friendships

Hit the Mark

Download Susan's FREE E-Seminar Now!

Learn to Speak So Others Listen

Susan Fee: Communication Tip Sheet
May 2011 Edition

In This Issue

News & Notes: Thanks for the Ideas!

Topic of the Month: Three Ways to Ask for Feedback

Questions for Reflection

Action Step

...................................

News & Notes: Thanks for the Ideas!

Let me admit this right up front: I’ve stolen all my best ideas from you and everyone else who has given me feedback. Without the input of others, I wouldn’t know what needs are underserved or what new topics need to be developed.

This month, I’m happy to unveil four new resources that were inspired by feedback. First, two new DVD’s that were recorded live at this year’s Athletic Business Conference, Taming Workplace Bullies and Overcoming Negative First Impressions.

I’ve teamed up with Campus Impact to offer some creative and effective bullying prevention educational tools. A Day in My Life is a giant board game that helps players understand roles and responses. Soon, we will be releasing a girls-only version!

If you have a daughter or work with girls, then you know the drama produced by friendship dilemmas. The Friendship Bull’s-eye teaches girls the four levels of relationships and helps them explore reasonable and safe expectations.

Keep that feedback coming!

Until next month,

And, just for fun and inspiration, take a look at this speech by d

Susan Fee

Topic of the Month: Three Ways to Ask for Feedback

Last week, I received an unexpected card filled with generous compliments. As I read it, my heart (and ego) soared. I felt proud of the work I was doing and even happier that someone noticed enough to let me know.

The same week, I unintentionally hurt and embarrassed someone during one of my workshops. In speaking with the participant afterwards, I learned how deeply my poorly timed humor cut and how ineffective I had been.

Which feedback should I believe, the positive or negative? Both. If feedback is going to be valuable, we can’t cherry-pick the comments that make us feel comfortable and disregard the rest. Some people only hear the negative and refuse to acknowledge anything else, while others will only listen to praise.

As difficult as it may be to keep an open heart and mind, feedback will help you grow while rejecting it will lead to stagnation. Here are three ways to ask for feedback that you can use individually, in a family, or work team.

Ask for three words. The purpose of feedback is not to become what everyone else wants you to be, but rather to help you know if you’re coming across as you intend. That starts with you mindfully deciding what you want to project. In three words, how do you want to be known? Are you currently coming across that way? Ask at least ten people: “If you had three words to describe me, what would they be?” The follow up is, “What do I do or say that gives you that impression?”

Ask for three metaphors. Not everyone is comfortable giving direct feedback, so metaphors can be helpful. Here are three that usually reveal interesting insight: color, instrument, and animal. Ask, “If I were a color, what color would I be?” and so on. The answer itself matters less than the reasons behind a person’s response, so be sure to ask the follow up, “What makes you say that?”

Ask for behavior. This technique confirms what’s working and what’s not. It’s called Stop, Start, Continue. Ask the other person, “What do you want me to stop doing? What do you want me to start doing? What am I currently doing that you want me to continue?”

Questions for Reflection

When is the last time you initiated asking for feedback? What did you learn?

What is your typical response to feedback? Do you assume the best or worst?

How often to you offer feedback to others? Is it in direct proportion to how much you’re willing to receive?

Action Step

Make a list of ten people that you can ask for feedback. Include contacts from both your personal and professional life and at least one person whose feedback you fear. Choose one of the above methods and get ready to grow!

Interested in booking training or coaching? Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com.

Susan Fee is a professional clinical counselor, personal coach, and national speaker. She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Dealing with Mean Girls, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy! She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2011