Products by

Susan Fee

In This Issue

News & Notes:  Bent, not Broken

Manager's Tip Sheet:  Recession Proof Your Career  

Personal Tip Sheet: Costs of Roommate Conflict

Difficult Conversations: Turning Down Lunch Invites     

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News & Notes: Bent, not Broken

Not long ago, I was hiking in the woods stepping over the debris of a recent storm, and I was reminded of nature’s resiliency.  Whether it is storms, fires, freezes, earthquakes, or flooding, nature has a way of shedding, adapting, and growing back. 

Some of you are in the midst of your own personal storm right now.  The economy has been hard on many, relationships could be strained, and your resilience is being tested.  Are you operating in crisis mode?

In a workshop I just attended, the lecturer used the image of a palm tree to define stress, crisis, and trauma.  In stress, the tree is swaying.  In crisis the tree is bent, but not broken.  In trauma, the tree is broken.  While we cannot always predict when a strong wind of challenge is headed our way, we can take steps today not to become so brittle that we break under stress alone.

Adversity is to be expected, not avoided.  If handled well, we can grow back stronger, just like nature proves.  Start by shifting the questions you ask.  Instead of, “Why is this happening to me?” ask, “What can I do for myself right now?”  One question leads to immobility and pity, the other leads to action.  Which will you choose?

Until next month,

Susan Fee

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Manager's Tip Sheet: Recession Proof Your Career

 

A common investment strategy is called dollar-cost-averaging, which means to invest the same amount every month to minimize risk.  The same advice could be applied to your career. 

When times are good we can easily become complacent.  Then when a recession threatens our livelihood, some people get desperate, trying to make large investments in their career to make up for not having done anything for months.  Bad strategy.  Acts of desperation will always be costly.  Instead, here some safe investments you can make year-round, no matter the circumstances. 

 

Stay positive.  Gas and food prices are high, we know.  Repeating the bad news all day does not change it.  Negativity is hardly inspiring and will drive people away, hurting you in the end.  Instead, share what’s going right and if you can’t find anything to talk about, start by creating some good news.

Focus on strengths.  The more you have cultivated your unique strengths, the less desperate you will feel during a recession.  A strength is any activity you can perform with near perfect consistency, no matter the odds.  Have the courage to get sharp in your strengths rather than dilute who you are by becoming “well-rounded.”  Learn more by reading  Buckingham and Clifton’s, Now, Discover Your Strengths (The Free Press, 2001). 

Build relationships.  People will always be your greatest asset.  They help us build a web of support versus thinking we can do it all alone.  However, you have to give before you take.  Healthy relationships are not built with selfish intent.  Who have you helped recently?  Pass on a lead, offer to mentor a young professional, call a former acquaintance and see how he or she is doing.

  

Invest in life-long learning.  Exposing yourself to new ideas is energizing and gives you ideas for new ways to approach old problems.  That energy is contagious and you will attract more like-minded people into your life.  Immerse yourself in workshops, reading, books-on-tape, and tele-seminars.  The options are endless, and that’s exactly how you life-long learning can make you feel.

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Personal Tip Sheet: Costs of Roommate Conflict

 

If you’re the parent of a soon-to-be college student, you know all about the high costs of college.  But wait, there’s more.  If your kids lack conflict resolution skills, the bill is bigger.  As a former college counselor, I can tell you that students who can’t handle conflict run into trouble with roommates almost immediately.  They’d rather avoid uncomfortable issues resulting in increased stress, lower grades, and additional moving and housing expenses.

 

The bottom line for parents: Children’s poor communication skills can hurt your wallet. College freshmen who can’t get along with their roommates request single dorm rooms, which are not only more costly, but usually unavailable. Others move off-campus, transfer to another school, or return home. Grades can be affected by the stress causing some students to repeat entire semesters. The ultimate solution is for students to learn how to resolve their roommate differences rather than find ways to avoid them.  Here are five tips for parents to prepare college bound freshman based on my book, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!

 

Offer suggestions, not solutions. Telling your child what to do, or worse, handling the problem yourself, does more harm than good. Conflict resolution is a skill that needs to be practiced and the more you do for your kids, the longer it will take them to become confident. Instead, help them become critical thinkers by imagining scenarios, brainstorming solutions, and considering possible outcomes and consequences.

 

Prepare for conflict. Students who assume things will be “perfect” get thrown for a loop when they’re not. Conflict is inevitable because people are different. Even best friends should expect to have differences in needs, living habits, stress levels, and communication skills. Teach your child that conflict does not have to be negative; it’s an opportunity to be creative and learn how to problem solve.

 

Share expectations. Roommate contracts are popular today and many universities require them as a way to get kids talking about their expectations. Even if your child’s school does not have formal contracts, encourage him to discuss things like sleep and study habits, bills, sharing items, cleaning, and the best times to have visitors. Just like pre-marital counseling, the more that’s discussed upfront, the better the relationship.Encourage face-to-face conversations. Kids today would rather communicate online or by texting rather than talking face-to-face. Without the benefit of facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language, messages can be misunderstood. Also, warn kids that gossiping to others instead of talking to their roommate directly only escalates the problem.

 

Ask for help. Residence life staff will help to mediate, as long as the student has already tried problem solving face-to-face. (In reality, most students wait to mention there’s a problem until they want to move out, or at the first sign of trouble, they report it to their RA expecting that person to solve it.) Campus counseling centers are also available for help if a roommate is exhibiting signs of mental illness such as depression or substance abuse.  If nothing else, a counseling session can help your child learn to better deal with stress and find other ways to manage the situation.

 

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 Difficult Conversations: Turning Down Lunch Invites

 

Q:  My friends at work ask me to lunch every day, but I can’t afford to eat out right now.  I pack my own or skip it.  I feel bad telling them no all the time, but too embarrassed to tell the truth.  What should I say?

A:  First of all, there’s no shame in minding your finances.  I’m sure your colleagues are more interested in you, not what you eat.  Perhaps telling the truth to one close colleague versus everyone at once would feel less overwhelming. You don’t have give your whole financial history.  You might say, “Thanks for inviting me.  I’m watching my budget these days, so I packed my lunch.  But if you want to get something to go, I’ll join you in the park.” 

Focus on the relationship and not the money spent.  Lots of people pack lunch due to dietary restrictions as well, so I’m sure you’re not alone.

 

Submit your difficult questions to Susan_Fee@msn.com.  If your question is chosen for publication, you’ll receive a complimentary copy of Dealing With Difficult People.

   

   

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Interested in booking training or coaching?  Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

Susan Fee is a licensed counselor, business and personal coach, and college adjunct faculty member.  She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!  (Adams.  She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2008