In This Issue

News & Notes:  Mindset of an Olympian

Manager's Tip Sheet:  Building Team Communication

Personal Tip Sheet:   Becoming an Authentic Communicator

Difficult Conversations:  Telling a Friend her Daughter is Mean        

Workshops, Products, and Services: 

...................................

News & Notes:  Mindset of an Olympian

  

I have the good fortune to be working on a project with 1996 Olympic gold medalist Dominique Moceanu.   She was the youngest member (14) of the Magnificent Seven Women's Gymnastics Team, the first in U.S. history to win a gold medal.   Injuries kept her from competing in the 2000 Olympics, and recent surgeries have taken time to heal.   Still, at age 24, Dominique plans to compete in the 2008 Olympics in Beijing.

 

Even though the odds are against her, Dominique's perseverance shines.   She is one of the most consistent, disciplined, and passionate people I've met.   In addition to training hours every day, she is a full-time student and will be getting married in the fall.  

 

How does she do it?   It starts with her self-talk.   All the talent in the world will not carry you to success if you cannot control the critic in your head.   The conversations you have with yourself are revealed in your actions, relationships, and how you are perceived by others.   Olympic champions know the value of working with a coach to achieve extraordinary results, but the first person on your team has to be you!                   

Until next time,

Susan Fee

---

Manager's Tip Sheet: Building Team Communication

Managing team dynamics can be challenging!   Some teams fall apart before they ever get started while others gel immediately.   The most productive teams develop open communication, synergy, and resolve conflicts.   Effective teams progress through five stages.   Becoming familiar with these stages will help you determine if your team is stuck or moving forward.

 

Forming.   A new team is formed, members get to know each other, and guards may be up.   

 

Storming.   Personalities start to emerge and clash.   There's jockeying for turf.   Leaders step up and followers fall in line.   Different work styles can cause conflict.   Many teams get stuck here, but it is a necessary stage to work through.

 

Norming .   Game rules are established (formally and informally) and the team adapts to working together.   Norms can be productive like using open communication or they can be detrimental like using sarcasm.   You may need to intercede if the team adopts unproductive norms.  

 

Performing.   Reaching this stage is the goal.   Team members are in a groove, they contribute equally to the task, and each feels respected.

 

Adjourning.   The team disbands.   This can be positive if the team reached the performing stage, neutral, or nasty if the team failed to get past storming.

 

There's no timeline for these stages, and some teams will start to perform and then regress to storming.   The key is to offer upfront training to prepare members for potential conflicts and establishing healthy norms.  

 

Consider this training exercise:   Watch an episode of The Apprentice or Survivor and identify the five stages as each team performs their assigned task.   (Since it's TV, they will spend most of their time in storming.)   Click here for more on Team Building Training.   

---

Personal Tip Sheet:  Becoming an Authentic Communicator

If you've been in one of my workshops, you've heard me say that your communication style will reveal the real you, eventually.   It takes a lot of energy to pretend you're something that you're not.   Sooner or later, a slip of the tongue, an inconsistent behavior, or an emotional reaction unveils the truth in all of us.   So what message are you communicating?   Here's how to become an authentic communicator:

 

Monitor your thoughts .   Your thoughts determine your emotions and behavior.   The first step to authenticity is becoming aware of your self-talk.   How do you describe you to yourself?   How have you communicated this image to others, or attempted to cover it up?

 

Define your message.     Instead of letting others define you, be proactive.   What makes you unique?   What sets you apart?   Write down three words that are truthful to who you are and you'd like others to repeat about you.   Be careful about choosing descriptions that sound good, but have nothing to do with the real you!  

 

Behave consistently.   Once you've determined your three words, consistently behave and communicate in ways that support your message.   If you change the core of your message and how you act around different people, you'll come off as a fraud.   Plus, it's exhausting.

 

Raise awareness.   Learn more about how your actions reveal who you are by listening to Susan's audio coaching tips on Personal Moments of Truth.

Sometimes we attempt to project a false image to avoid rejection.   Showing the world who you really are can make you feel exposed and vulnerable.   If lack of self-acceptance is holding you back, counseling can help.

---

Difficult Conversations:  Telling a Friend her Daughter is Mean

Q:   My best friend and I both have daughters the same age.   We frequently socialize together, but now my daughter is complaining that her friend is being mean and refuses to play.   What do I say to my best friend?

 

A:   I can appreciate that this situation can feel uncomfortable as you don't want to insult your best friend.   However, these are two separate relationships.   Don't force your daughter to be friends with someone out of convenience.   Respect and honor her feelings, but don't do the talking for her.   Coach her in how to approach her friend, describe the behavior she finds hurtful, and ask for what she wants instead.   If her friend refuses to change, let your daughter end the relationship.

 

Tell your friend about your daughter's concerns by saying, "Suzy told me she's uncomfortable with how she and Ashley have been playing lately.   I encouraged her to talk to Ashley about it.   I hope they can work it out, but if not, we may need to schedule adult-only time.   I value our friendship and enjoy our time together."   It's still possible that your friend may become defensive.   This is a great opportunity to model for your daughter how to communicate assertively and manage uncomfortable situations.   

More tips on Dealing With Difficult People.  

Submit your difficult conversations to Susan_Fee@msn.com.     

   

---

Workshops, Products, and Services

Upcoming Workshops and Appearances.   

"Queen Bees & Wannabees:   Understanding Relational Issues in the Schoolyard and Beyond"

St. Rita's Catholic School

May 4, 2006 7:00-8:30 PM

Solon, OH

"Feeling Pressured to Get Engaged?"

WKYC-TV Cleveland

Good Company

May 9, 2006 10:00-11:00 AM

 "Coaching Skills for Managers," "Getting Noticed to Get Promoted," and " Negotiation Skills"

NACM 110 th Annual Credit Congress and Exposition

May 21-24, 2006

Nashville , TN

 

Products and Services

Perfect High School Graduation Gift!    

 

Roommates can make or break a college experience.   Few young adults expect to have conflict and have little or no experience solving personality differences.   Prepare them for success now by purchasing a copy of Susan's hit college survival book My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!   Solve Conflicts, Set Boundaries, and Survive the College Roommate from Hell.    

Interested in booking training or coaching in 2006?  Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

Susan Fee is a licensed counselor, business and personal coach, and college adjunct faculty member.  She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!  (Adams Media).  She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2005