Products by

Susan Fee

In This Issue

News & Notes:  Senior Moment

Manager's Tip Sheet:  Recognizing Gender Differences    

Personal Tip Sheet:  Standing Up to a Bully Boss

Difficult Conversations: Unnecessary Emails to Boss     

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News & Notes: Senior Moment

I was chatting with a seventeen-year-old recently and promptly tripped and fell into the generation gap.  We were talking about the freedoms and responsibilities that occur when you become an adult at eighteen.  She said repeatedly that her parents had threatened to take her off their “plan” and she would have to cover the costs.

Finally I said, “Wow, so you’ll have to research and pay for your own medical plan?”  She stared at me in confusion.

“No.  My cell phone,” she said.

That’s my definition of a senior moment!  Has that ever happened to you?  With an unprecedented four generations in the workplace, it’s certainly more likely to occur.  It’s going to take more communication, not less, to understand the other side.  If you find yourself shaking your head, remember to follow the advice of Stephen Covey:  seek to understand first, then respond.    

Until next month,

Susan Fee

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Manager's Tip Sheet: Recognizing Gender Differences

 

Whether it’s in a personal or professional relationship, misunderstandings can occur between men and women.  The primary reason is that both genders use communication for opposing purposes.  Men tend to use communication to establish hierarchy and status, while women use it to establish connection.  The clash between these two purposes can result in some major errors in management styles. 

Here are three situations that consultant Marti Barletta lists in this month’s (4/08) Best Life as potential communication hot spots.

Competition:  While men may find competition motivating, women tend to consider what’s best for the group.  Depending on your staff makeup, consider whether competition or team-based incentives would be best.

Self-assessments:  If employee reviews involve self-assessments, note that some men may downplay weaknesses, while some women may feel compelled to share far too many.  Base management decisions on facts versus self-assessments.

Humor:  What’s funny to men can be hurtful to women, especially if it’s sarcasm.  One feels it’s “just joking” while the other deems it as a put down.  Sarcasm is a way to have the last laugh or establish hierarchy, and that’s why women find it hurtful since they are communicating for connection.

 

Learn more with an on-site workshop.

 

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Personal Tip Sheet:  Standing Up to a Bully Boss

 

What do schoolyards and work sites have in common?  Bullies.  If you’re the victim of one you know the stress it can cause. 

How do bullies exist in the workplace?  In most cases the root of their behavior has nothing to do with you, but has been learned from their earlier relationships.  Also, their behavior has been allowed and rewarded.  It gets results. 

But, that does not mean you should roll over and accept it.  Bullies can exist only if others are willing to be victims.  The fear of retaliation is real, and it is that fear that fuels the bully’s stronghold.  If the behavior is not addressed, it will only continue.  Here are five tips to stand up to a bully boss:

Speak up:  If you’re doubting whether or not you should say anything, remind yourself of the negative impacts your boss’ actions have caused.  Bullies are masters at making you believe you are the problem, or that you’re being too sensitive.  If you feel like you’re walking on eggshells and second-guess every move you make, it’s worth it to speak up.  Even if he or she does not change, you’ll know you did all you could to improve the situation rather than be a passive victim or bystander.

 

Speak privately:  Ask to speak privately.  A bully will never back down in front of a crowd.  Trying to publicly humiliate your boss with a snappy comeback in front of others will only intensify negative attacks.

Be specific:  Be ready with specific examples of what your boss did or said that was out-of-line.  It helps to have documentation of emails, phone calls, and face-to-face conversations to establish your case.

Stick to behavior:  Bullies don’t care how you feel, so sharing how you’ve been hurt will only leave you more vulnerable. Keep your comments directed at professional or unprofessional behavior and the environment in which you can be most productive.

Get support:  If your workplace has an HR Department, report your situation and get advice.  The more specific and documented your observations, the better.  Be sure to share your attempts to correct the situation.

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 Difficult Conversations:  Unnecessary Emails to Boss

Q:  I have a staff member who insists on including my boss and several others on every email she sends me.  I feel this causes unnecessary involvement on an issue that is between the two of us.  She has never complained about my response time and we have a good working relationship, so I can’t understand why she does this.  Any ideas?

A:  There could be a number of reasons she wants to create a viral paper trail including wanting to show others how much she is working to a passive-aggressive way to keep you in line.  She also may be unaware that others are not supposed to be notified, especially if she’s never been told about protocol.  The bottom line is that you won’t know until you ask in person. 

Approach her in a fact-finding way without the assumption that she’s out to get you.  Here’s what you might say, “I noticed that your emails to me are also sent to our boss.  I’m unclear about the purpose of this, can you tell me?”  If she says she thought it was an issue the boss should know about, clarify how this might be determined in the future and the correct procedure. 

If it happens again, approach her immediately to reinforce the decision-making process.  You may also want to inform your boss that you had this conversation and to ask that he or she also let the employee know her emails are unnecessary.         

      

Submit your difficult questions to Susan_Fee@msn.com.  If your question is chosen for publication, you’ll receive a complimentary copy of Dealing With Difficult People.

   

   

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Interested in booking training or coaching?  Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

Susan Fee is a licensed counselor, business and personal coach, and college adjunct faculty member.  She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!  (Adams Media).  She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2008