In This Issue

News & Notes: Take Big Bites

Manager's Tip Sheet: Art of Facilitation

Personal Tip Sheet:  What Are You Implying?  

Difficult Conversations:  Helping a Depressed Friend  

Workshops, Products, and Services 

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News & Notes:  Take Big Bites

“Children may not remember everything you say, but they will always remember how you made them feel.”  This is just one of the many wise, witty comments made by newswoman and author Linda Ellerbee during the American Counseling Association Conference which I attended.

Ellerbee’s latest book is called Take Big Bites (Berkley Trade), and there’s no better example of making life an adventure than this woman.  For the last sixteen years, she has produced and hosted Nick News for kids ages 8-12 based on the assumption that her audience is bright, sensible, and curious.  She respects her viewers, what a novel concept!

If you need a little inspiration this month to act in ways bigger than you imagined, I highly recommend you read her book.  I’ve certainly been inspired to do more.  That’s why I will be offering the Circle of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. curriculum guide this summer so that I can share my program for girls with anyone who wants to offer it.  Take big bites!   

Until next month,

Susan Fee

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Manager's Tip Sheet:  Art of Facilitation

Running an effective meeting takes more than an agenda; it takes a great facilitator.  Facilitation is organizing and managing group activities to make the best use of time and resources while achieving the group’s desired outcome.  A facilitator’s function is not to have an opinion or offer solutions, but to guide discussion.  That can be tough when some of the participants refuse to play along.

 

Last month, I hosted a teleseminar on facilitation techniques for the National Association of Credit Management.  Here are some tips I shared on how to address challenging situations and personalities during meetings:

Initiating discussion:  If this is the group’s first meeting, people may be wary about diving into conversation.  Activities to break the ice will help get things rolling.  Consult Games Trainers Play (Newstrom &Scannell) for ideas.  Pay special attention to creating a safe environment where all comments are welcome and use open-ended questions that begin with “how” and “what.”

Encourage participation:  Create and send out your meeting agenda 24-48 hours in advance.  This gives people time to prepare.  Also, require that each person be prepared with at least one question/idea to share.  When you ask for comments, ask for someone to start and say you’ll move around the room from that person round robin rather than wait for people to raise their hand.   

Stop side conversations:  Before starting your meeting, take one minute and establish ground rules or common courtesies you will enforce such as giving attention to the speaker or turning off cell phones.  If someone speaks out of turn, refer to the ground rules.   (Rule breakers can be required to put a dollar in a community lunch fund.)  Consider sitting in a U-shape or large circle, this gives people less of a chance to hide in the back and gossip.  Another strategy is to stand while you facilitate and move in the offender’s direction, standing right beside him.   All eyes will follow you and peer pressure will do the rest. 

Focus ramblers:  Everybody has to breathe, even ramblers!  Listen for a pause and step in with a short paraphrase of the speaker’s ideas and link them to another speaker, moving the conversation to someone else.  It may sound like, “Susan, I heard you make three points, A, B, and C.  That supports what James said earlier.”  Physically turn from the rambler to another person to redirect attention.

Interested in scheduling a teleseminar or series for your staff?  Contact Susan!

 

              

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Personal Tip Sheet: What Are You Implying?

Every request has two meanings:  implicit and explicit.   The explicit meaning is what a person states as a desired outcome.  For example, you may say you want a raise, new relationship, or to move.  The implicit meaning is the underlying reason or motivation for the request.  For instance, there are numerous reasons for moving such as, celebrating a job promotion, escaping bad memories, or establishing independence.  

Of the two, the most important meaning is implicit.  In problem solving or negotiation situations in particular, it’s important to remember that people often ask for things explicitly that may or may not be the best solution.  Instead of taking requests at face value, investigate the underlying motivations to gain a true understanding of needs. 

Here are examples of questions you can ask to surface the real meaning of any request:

What will this solution provide that you don’t currently have?

How will this request make things better for you?

What are you hoping to gain from this idea? 

How will this improve the situation?  

What will be different for you if this request is granted?

What would happen if this request couldn’t be met?

Successful problem solving requires keeping an open mind and a willingness to see past the obvious (sometimes unreasonable) request.  Remain flexible on the explicit meaning and focus on satisfying the underlying need.

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 Difficult Conversations: Helping  Depressed Friend

Q: I’m worried about my friend.  She is becoming more irritable and isolated.  I think she may be suffering from depression but I don’t know how to talk to her about it.  What can I say?

A:  According to the National Institute of Mental Health, clinical depression is one of the most common mental illnesses, affecting more than 19 million Americans each year.  Treatment for depression is almost always successful yet, fewer than half of those suffering from this illness seek treatment because they believe depression isn't serious, that they can treat it themselves or that it is a personal weakness rather than a serious illness. 

Approach your friend in a caring way, without judgment.  Steer clear of playing armchair doctor and just share your concerns for her wellbeing.  You might say, “I’ve noticed that lately you seem to be really down and isolating yourself.  I’m concerned.  How are you doing?”  This may open the door for a conversation, but she may also become defensive.  If so, respond by saying, “I’m bringing this up because I care about you.  I think it’s fair to share the changes I’ve noticed and how it’s affecting our relationship.”

If she has mentioned suicide, even in a joking manner, take it seriously. Ask straight out if she has plans of killing herself, and if so she needs immediate medical attention.

Learn more about depression and take a free, confidential online screening 

 

Submit your difficult conversations to Susan_Fee@msn.com.     

   

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Workshops, Products, and Services

Upcoming Workshops and Appearances.  Engagements are open to the public when noted.  

 

“Coaching Skills for Managers” & “Maximizing Your Interpersonal Skills”

Geauga Park District

April 19 & 26

Chardon, OH

“Building Resiliency”

St. John Hospital

May 3

Westlake, OH

“Selling Yourself and Your Ideas”

Society for Marketing Professional Services

May 17

Cleveland, OH

“Maintaining a Positive Focus”

Avery Dennison

May 11 &18

Mentor, OH

Products and Services

 

Ace your job interview!  Communicate a positive first impression with tips from Positive First Impressions:  83 Ways to Establish Confidence, Competence, and Trust.

 

Order a PowerPack and save money!

Interested in booking training or coaching?  Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

Susan Fee is a licensed counselor, business and personal coach, and college adjunct faculty member.  She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!  (Adams Media).  She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2005