In This Issue

News & Notes: Say Yes!

Manager's Tip Sheet:  Timing Your S.O.S. Response

Personal Tip Sheet:  How to be S.I.N.C.E.R.E.

Difficult Conversations:  Inapporpriate Interview Question

Workshops, Products, and Services 

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News & Notes:  Say Yes!

I spend much of my time teaching clients how to set boundaries and say no.  It’s just as valuable to know when to say yes.   Like many of you, I can get so busy and wrapped up in my familiar routine that my automatic response to something new or different is, “No!  I don’t have time.”  I’m challenging myself to move past autopilot and say yes more often.

That’s how I ended up co-hosting a morning radio show last month with my husband.  While Allan’s regular co-host was on vacation, I stepped in for a week on Cleveland’s Q104. 

That meant getting up at 3:30 am, writing and delivering the news, and occasionally dropping in a snappy comeback.  I had enough fear to justify saying no. Saying yes meant agreeing to grow and I’m so glad I did.  The bad news is, my husband shaved his head bald like Britney.  Check out the before-and-after pictures on my blog.   

 

Until next month,

Susan Fee

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Manager's Tip Sheet:  Timing Your S.O.S. Response

If managing others is an art, then part of the craft is knowing who to help, and how much to give.  Nothing is more frustrating than repeatedly helping an individual solve a problem only to see it play out again like a scene in Groundhog’s Day.  What keeps people stuck?  It could be the way you’re helping. Here are three tips to help you decode employee distress calls:

Give in small doses.  Offering help at the wrong time, or offering too much is debilitating.  It keeps people behaving as victims because rather than acquiring skills themselves, they’ve been saved.  After a while, their confidence drops and they begin to believe they aren’t capable.

Listen for the magic question.  You will know when people are ready to move from being a victim to being empowered when they start asking “how” questions, as in “How do I learn to do this differently?”  It’s a sign of accepting personal responsibility.  Such questions come when a person accepts the reality of the situation and sees himself as an integral part of changing it.

Monitor Your Motives.  What do you gain from helping others?  Some people give until it hurts because it makes them feel important.  If you’re seeking the glory of being a hero, you’re not operating in anyone’s best interests.  Shift your energy into growing talent by teaching skills.  

Learn more by scheduling a “Coaching Skills for Managers” workshop!

               

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Personal Tip Sheet: How to Be S.I.N.C.E.R.E.

Interpersonal relationships are dynamic according to anthropologist Desmond Morris.  The author of The Naked Ape (Delta, 1999) says that we are always pushing away or pulling toward other people.  Appearing neutral or quiet is the same as pushing away.  Think about your daily interactions; do your communication skills push others away or draw them closer? 

The S.I.N.C.E.R.E. model is an easy way to remember the characteristics that attract others:

Smile.  The universal sign that says you are open to another person is a smile.  Those who smile often are perceived as approachable. 

Incline.  Leaning toward a person shows you are interested in what he or she is saying, while leaning away is perceived as being disinterested.  You can see a great example of this by watching David Letterman on the Late Show.  When he likes a guest he scoots his chair right up next to the person, and if not, he sits behind his desk. 

Names.  When you say a person’s name, you show you care enough to listen closely.  It’s an instant validation of the person’s importance.  For tips on how to remember names, read the April 2006 Communication Tip Sheet.

Connect.  Listening to others is what helps connect us.  A basic need we all share is to feel understood, even on points of disagreement.  

Eye contact.  Western culture deems eye contact as one of the main predictors of confidence and charisma.  Offering direct eye contact and a smile raises your likeability factor tremendously.  

Reflect.  Show you are listening to others by paraphrasing what they’ve said.  Also use verbal and nonverbal encouragers such as head nodding and saying, “hm-mm,” rather than listening in stony silence (especially on the phone).   

Engage.  Ask questions of others to continue the conversation and discover commonalities.  The best conversationalists put others at ease by sharing a little bit about themselves, then asking a question of the other person. 

Find more tips on how to attract others.

 

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 Difficult Conversations: Inappropriate Interview Question

Q:  During a recent job interview for a position I really want, I was asked if I intended to have kids.  Since I thought that was an illegal question, I stumbled on my answer. How should I have responded?   

A:  You’re right; it’s illegal for a job interviewer to inquire about your age, nationality, marital status, sexual preference or religion.  Still, some people ask anyway or are ignorant to the implications of such a question.  Unless you’re hit with a barrage of inappropriate questions, give the interviewer the benefit of the doubt.  You can say, “May I ask why you need to know?”  This gives the interviewer a chance to explain or drop the question.   

Use the opportunity to address the underlying issue.  Many companies are wary of hiring and training people who may leave in a couple of years to start a family.  Spin the issue into examples of your demonstrated commitment by saying something like,

“I’ve worked on many long-term projects and I look forward to growing my talents long-term here as well.”

Submit your difficult conversations to Susan_Fee@msn.com.     

   

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Workshops, Products, and Services

Upcoming Workshops and Appearances. 

“Creating Positive First Impressions”

UH Bedford Medical Center

March 1

Bedford, OH

“Facilitation Skills”

National Association of Credit Managers

March 12

Tele-Seminar

“Mean Girl Syndrome:  Understanding Relational Aggression”

Clarkston School District

March 16

Lewiston, ID

“Stressed Out Girls,” “Coaching Skills for Managers,” and “Team Communication”

Tri-State Camping Association

March 28-29

Atlantic City, NJ

Products and Services

 

Ace your job interview!  Communicate a positive first impression with tips from Positive First Impressions:  83 Ways to Establish Confidence, Competence, and Trust.

 

Order a PowerPack and save money!

Interested in booking training or coaching?  Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

Susan Fee is a licensed counselor, business and personal coach, and college adjunct faculty member.  She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!  (Adams Media).  She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2005