In This Issue

News & Notes: Taming a Growling Dog

Manager's Tip Sheet:  Positive Ways for Staff to Express Stress

Personal Tip Sheet:  Is That You Or the Alcohol Talking?

Difficult Conversations:  Getting More Than You Asked For

Workshops, Products, and Services 

...................................

News & Notes:  Taming a Growling Dog

My new favorite show is Dog Whisperer starring dog trainer Cesar Millan (National Geographic Channel).  I don't even own a dog, but I've become mesmerized with how Millan tames unruly pets without raising his voice or using force. It's the perfect demonstration of the differences between passive, assertive, and aggressive communication!   

Millan uses the same calm, assertive approach whether he's training a growling pit bull or a yapping Chihuahua. He shows how animals can detect the slightest hesitation in an owner's voice and demeanor.   The reality is that Millan is training people, not dogs.  

 

If you've ever felt dominated by your own version of a growling dog, catch an episode for a lesson on the power of non-verbal communication. More tips for assertive communication can be found in Positive First Impressionsand Dealing with Difficult People. Remember, it's not other people we need to conquer, only ourselves.  

Until next month,    

Susan Fee

---

Manager's Tip Sheet: Positive Ways for Staff to Express Stress

End of the year deadlines can add additional pressure to an already overworked staff.   While a certain level of stress can be motivating, stress overload decreases creativity and productivity.   (Read the December 2005 Tip Sheet for a refresher on the signs of stress overload.)       

 

So, while you may be tempted to push people to work harder, you'll be defeating your purpose.   Instead, here are five ways to help staff acknowledge and release tension:

 

Make ‘em laugh.   When it comes to stress, laughter truly is the best medicine.   Book a local comedian for a one-hour lunch break or rent a DVD of a live show.   If you're a skilled presenter, create a tongue-in-cheek awards show honoring staff for contributions like Most Entertaining Response to A Crashed Computer.   

 

Use your EAP.   If your company offers an Employee Assistance Program, make use of it!   Most plans offer 1-5 counseling sessions at no charge.   Remind staff of this confidential resource and encourage people to take advantage of it.   Second, many plans offer employers free seminars, so schedule a stress management seminar or other relevant topic.  

 

Book a masseuse.   You'll score a lot of points with staff by scheduling a licensed masseuse for on-site, 15-minute head, neck, and shoulder massages.   The average rate is a dollar per minute.   Even if you don't have the budget to cover it, many people will be willing to self-pay.  

 

Get them moving.   Exercise is a natural stress reliever and energy booster.   Encourage lunchtime walks, stretch breaks, or practice line dancing.   For a gentler approach, schedule a local yoga instructor to teach relaxation and breathing techniques.             

 

Change the environment.   Get people out of the office for a change of pace.    Book a local movie theater for a private screening, allow one-hour for a shopping trip with everyone sharing their best buy upon return, schedule a walking tour of a local museum, or hold a staff meeting in different location.  

 

More tips for dealing with stress.

 

              

---

Personal Tip Sheet:  Is That You or the Alcohol Talking?

  “That's not me!   It was the alcohol talking.”   That's how actor Mel Gibson explained his racially-slurred tirade after being arrested in June and charged with drunken driving.   Gibson later apologized for his behavior, sort of.   He didn't fully accept responsibility because, according to his explanation, it wasn't really him speaking, it was the alcohol.   I believe Gibson was starring in his own version of An Inconvenient Truth.

 

The truth about alcohol is that it's a depressant.   While one or two drinks may make you feel relaxed, more alcohol may cause or intensify feelings of anxiety, depression, and aggression. As alcohol reaches the outer brain it distorts judgment and lowers inhibitions offering some people the “courage” to act in unrepressed ways.   Alcohol does not turn you into something you are not; it exposes who you are.   

 

As we enter the season for holiday parties and increased consumption, it's worth noting the symptoms of alcohol and chemical dependency.   Here are some warning signs:

 

• Needing more and more of the substance to achieve the same desired effect.
• Experiencing withdrawal effects when not taking the substance such as uncontrollable shaking, sweating, nausea, or delirium.
• Investing a lot of time and energy in getting the substance, using it, or recovering from it.
• Giving up or decreasing important activities for substance use.
• Using the substance despite awareness of how doing so is negatively impacting employment, finances, and/or relationships.

 

If you recognize any of these signs in yourself or a loved one, get professional help.   For more information contact the National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service at 1-800-662-4357.  

 

---

 Difficult Conversations: Getting More Than You Asked For

(Note:   Here's an etiquette question I recently answered for the Cleveland Plain Dealer)

Q:  Over the course of a business day we often casually ask people how they're doing? I recently found myself in a situation where the person on the other end started talking about financial woes and personal problems. I wanted to cut them off but I realized I asked them how they were doing. I want to be gracious and professional, but should I cut them off?
   

A:    Politely ending a conversation with someone who is going on too long is all in the timing.  It would be rude to cut someone off in mid-sentence, so wait for him to take a breath before you interject a statement or a question. 

Quiet a chronic complainer by saying, "It sounds like you've given a lot of thought to the problem, what solutions are you working on?" That usually ends the conversation pretty quickly!   If people share personal information that you'd rather not hear, you can respond by saying, "It sounds like you have a lot going on.  I respect your privacy, so I won't keep asking you about it."

Other ways you can signal the end of a conversation are to speak in past tense such as, “It's been great talking to you” or, “It was nice to see you.”   If you're standing, start moving in a new direction, or if someone ambushes you in your office, stand up.  The other person will stand too, and you can escort her out. 

In the future, change your greeting to, “It's good to see you.”   You're being polite without inviting a long, unwanted discussion.   

 

More tips on surviving embarrassing situations.  

                 

 

Submit your difficult conversations to Susan_Fee@msn.com.     

   

---

Workshops, Products, and Services

Upcoming Workshops and Appearances. 

“Mean Girl Syndrome:   Understanding Relational Aggression”

Clarkston School District

December 7, 2006

Lewiston , Idaho

 

“Mean Girl Syndrome:   Understanding Relational Aggression”

Allen Elementary

January 17, 2007

Strongsville , OH

 

“Responding to Adversity”  

Lakeland Community College Women's Center

January 22, 2007 6:00-8:00 PM

Kirtland , OH

 

“Self-Esteem:   The Key to Your Child's Success”

Cuyahoga Valley Career Center

January 24, 2007 7:00-8:30 PM

Open to the public

 

Products and Services

 

Building Resiliency: 68 Coping Strategies for Surviving & Thriving During Adversity

 

Secrets for Successful Presentations: 81 Tips to Prepare and Deliver Every Speech with Confidence!

 

Order a PowerPack and save money!

Interested in booking training or coaching?  Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

Susan Fee is a licensed counselor, business and personal coach, and college adjunct faculty member.  She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!  (Adams Media).  She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2005