12-05.htm

Books, booklets, and e-booklets by Susan Fee

Susan Fee: Communication Tip Sheet
December 2005 Edition

In This Issue

News & Notes: Personal Reflection

Manager's Tip Sheet: Impact of Stress

Personal Tip Sheet: Email Etiquette

Difficult Conversations: Saying No to Pushy People

Workshops, Products, and Services: Last Minute Gift Ideas

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News & Notes: Personal Reflection



I know this is a busy time of year for many of you. It's easy to put outside functions, family obligations, and other people at the top of your to-do list, but I want to encourage you to set aside some of that time for personal reflection. The end of the year is a natural time to re-evaluate personal values.

What do values have to do with communication? Everything. Values are your internal compass, determining beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors. In other words, everything you say and do is a reflection of your true values. When your actions support your values, you feel in synch and energized. When your actions deny your values, stress increases and you feel drained.

I often guide my coaching clients through a values clarification exercise, and I'd like to offer the same to you. Many coaching clients find it's helpful to see a list of commonly held values to help them define what's most important and how they may be expressing those values in their communication style. If you'd like to receive the exercise, please send me an email at Susan_Fee@msn.com with "Values Exercise" in the subject header. I'll send you a Word attachment unless otherwise noted.

Here's another personal reflection question for you: What would you try right now if you knew you couldn't fail? If you'd like help facilitating that journey, consider scheduling a personal coaching session. Find out more by clicking here    http://www.susanfee.com/coaching/coaching_index.htm .

Until next month,

Susan Fee

Manager's Tip Sheet: Impact of Stress

Stress can be defined as the perception that the circumstances we are experiencing are beyond our control, leading to a feeling of being overwhelmed. Each of us has our own definition of what we consider to be stressful circumstances, and how much of it we can reasonably handle. Certainly, some level of stress is necessary for peak performance. But, if stress levels pass our personal tipping point, the impact is negative, ultimately affecting performance. Many companies now consider wellness programs offering stress education a necessity since it so clearly affects the bottom line.

As a manager, you need to be aware of your own stress levels as well as how stress is impacting your employees. Each of us expresses stress differently: some people shut down and refuse to communicate; others get hyper and won't stop talking. Some people release stress through healthy alternatives like exercise, but others will react by making unhealthy choices like excessive drinking, eating, or shopping.

It doesn't matter if the source of stress is home or work, you still have to manage the whole person. Sometimes, simply acknowledging changes you've noticed and allowing a person to vent is enough. Those who are less skilled in stress management will need more training and support. When an employee hits stress overload, you may notice strained work relationships, argumentative behavior, increased customer complaints, lowered performance and motivation levels, or an inability to focus on details. In addition, here are some physical signs of stress:

Racing heart and/or sweaty palms

Feeling angry, irritable, or tense

Irregular sleep and/or eating habits

Headaches

Tightness of the chest, neck, jaw, and back muscles

Skin breakouts

Stomach cramps or indigestion

Shallow breathing

Being easily startled

Learn more about scheduling a Stress Management Workshop. http://www.susanfee.com/training/training_index.htm .

To schedule personal counseling sessions with Susan in the Independence , OH area, call (440) 963-0402 or click here: http://www.lakeshoresupport.com/cservices/counselors.html .

Personal Tip Sheet: Email Etiquette

So much of our daily communication with others is through email, that in many cases it has replaced face-to-face conversations. But, just because it's a quick and convenient form of communication doesn't mean that you are not creating impressions with every message you send. Some people put so much emphasis on projecting a professional, confident image in person, yet fail to consider how an email containing misspelled words or inappropriate humor can blow that image to pieces.

Perhaps there's something about the informal, impersonal nature of email that we feel it shouldn't count in how people perceive us. Yet, we'd never dream of sending a typed letter with the same mistakes because that would create a bad impression. Any time you communicate with another person, no matter the form, you are revealing something about yourself. So what do your emails say about you?

Here's my list of the top seven email mistakes to avoid.



Subject line does not reflect content. When people have tons of messages to sift through, subject lines matter. They should clearly indicate the content of your message. Leaving it blank or just writing "Hi," is not helpful. If you are answering an email or offering new information, update the subject line accordingly.

No personalized greeting. Always start your messages with the person's name. Even though email can be informal, it's still polite to include a greeting. Be sure and include your name at the end too.

Casual tone. Be very careful about the tone of your messages. You need to remain professional at all times. Humor, sarcasm, and slang are easily misinterpreted and do not belong in any professional communication. Shortcuts like LOL or JK and emoticons are also considered too casual.

Misspelled words and poor grammar. There's no excuse for not using spell check. Write in full sentences with proper punctuation and capitalization.

Forwarding without permission. Although forwarding emails is common, it doesn't make it ethical. Most people send messages with the intent that it will be read only by the addressed recipient - not shared with ten other people. If you forward it without permission, you can appear untrustworthy.

Inappropriate screen names. The best screen name to use is a close version of your own name as most people will not open emails they don't recognize. If you want to be taken seriously, drop screen names like "CUTIEPIE" and "RU4POT." (I wish I was kidding, but I've actually received emails from both of these names!)

Engaging in e-fights. Never use email to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. People who don't like conflict love email! Email is appropriate for exchanging short pieces of information that are self-explanatory. Use face-to-face conversations for feedback, clarifying misunderstandings, handling complaints, apologizing, expressing your feelings, and any other conversation where clarification is paramount. If you use email to document conversations, have the meeting in person, and follow up with an email summary.

Read more about how to create positive impressions. http://www.susanfee.com/books/positive_first_impressions.htm



Difficult Conversations: Saying No to Pushy People

Q: How do I say no to pushy people without it leading to further badgering?

A: Pushy people are smart. They can sniff out a person who has trouble setting boundaries a mile away. "No," is a complete sentence; it doesn't require further explanation. But if you're a people-pleaser, you probably offer too much information like listing reasons you can't say yes, making up excuses, or apologizing profusely. That's all the ammunition a pushy person needs to overturn your veto. Your excuses become negotiating points.

Your vocal delivery and body language can be giveaways too. Speak assertively by making direct eye contact, using a moderate volume, and maintaining good posture. Be careful not use "uptalk" which is saying no with an upward pitch, as if you are asking a question. You may also be uncomfortable with silence, so if the other person just stares at you long enough, you'll say yes.

Speaking assertively does not mean you have to be rude. You can say, "Thank you for asking, I'm already booked," or "I'm flattered you considered me; right now that doesn't fit my schedule" or, "No, thank you. If something changes in the future, I'll let you know." If the person persists in knowing your other plans, just say "personal obligations" and leave it at that.

Learn seven words to avoid when speaking assertively.    http://www.susanfee.com/coaching/tips/SevenDeadlyWords.htm .

Workshops, Products, and Services

Last minute gift ideas! Help make someone else successful by adding a tips booklet to your holiday greeting card, package, or thank you card. Include it with a personal note to your employees or use them as stocking stuffers! And, did you know that with the purchase of ten or more, the price per booklet drops to just $2.50 each? You can't beat that value. Order your copies of Positive First Impressions and Dealing With Difficult People now by clicking here! http://www.susanfee.com/books/books_index.htm

Perfect gift for college students! Most college students can't wait to come home for the holidays to get away from their roommates. Send them back to school prepared for any situation by purchasing a copy of My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy! http://www.myroommateisdrivingmecrazy.com

Invest in yourself. Remember yourself on your gift list. Personal Coaching sessions can help you reinvest, rejuvenate, and refocus for the upcoming year. Click here for more information.    http://www.susanfee.com/coaching/coaching_index.htm .

Upcoming Workshops and Appearances.

"Positive First Impressions" and "Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace"

Athletic Business Conference

December 2, 2005

Orlando , FL

"Positive First Impressions"

Parma Hospital

December 6, 2005

Parma , OH

"Transformative Power of Journaling"

Diversion School Program

December 8, 2005

Cuyahoga Heights , OH

Interested in booking training or coaching in 2006? Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com.

Susan Fee is a licensed counselor, business and personal coach, and college adjunct faculty member. She is the author of Positive First Impressions: 83 Ways to Establish Confidence, Competence, and Trust, Dealing with Difficult People: 83 Ways to Stay Calm, Composed, and in Control, and the college survival guide My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy! Solve Conflicts, Set Boundaries, and Survive the College Roommate from Hell! (Adams Media). She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2005