In This Issue

News & Notes: Focus on This

Manager's Tip Sheet:  Team Building with Gen X/Y Employees     

Personal Tip Sheet:  Seven Words to Avoid  

Difficult Conversations:  Protecting Your Private Life from Coworkers        

Workshops, Products, and Services 

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News & Notes:  Focus on This

What you focus on expands.  This is especially apparent when we’re upset with someone.  It’s as if we put on glasses that filter out everything but annoying traits that we compile to make our (distorted) case. 

Instead, what would happen if we focused on what’s going right, or solutions versus problems?  This does not mean problems are ignored.  It’s important we acknowledge situations that need to be changed.  But, the only way change comes is by focusing on it.

We are constantly blocking out helpful information because we are so focused on supporting our pre-determined story.  Test yourself with this challenge.  Watch this video of students playing basketball and count the number of times the white-shirt team passes the ball.  Once you do, visit my blog for the debrief (but only after doing the first part!)

Until next month,

 

Susan Fee

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Manager's Tip Sheet: Team Building With Gen X/Y Employees

 

There’s no “I” in TEAM, unless you are a Gen-X/Y employee, then it’s all about the individual!  This presents a challenge for managers attempting to build camaraderie amongst employees of varying demographics.

Here’s an interesting article by James Carter in which he suggests that today’s successful team building is a whole new game.  Staff picnics and bowling outings may be fun, but they don’t achieve a sense of “team.”  He offers three important components for any successful teambuilding program: 

 

Explain relevance to team performance.  If you can’t explain why your staff will benefit from a potluck or an outdoor adventure trek, the chances of buy-in are slim.  The “why” is just as important as the “what.”

Provide a shared, positive experience. Bonding comes from experiencing a relevant, positive experience.  If people are laughing, giving high-fives and saying how much they learned, you’re activities are on track.

Facilitate a well-thought-out debrief. Carter says, “In many ways, the final debrief is the most important component of the program for purposes of discovery and self-actualization, yet it is the part that is most often rushed or neglected altogether. Program leaders must take the time to discuss insights with participants, and to interpret the individual and team traits that were exhibited throughout. This is the only way the lessons are learned and applied back to work. Basically, this discussion is the actual teambuilding.”

Need more help with team building?

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Personal Tip Sheet:  Seven Words to Avoid

You make an impression every time you speak and the words you choose can subtly position you.  Do you come across as a negative or positive person?  Are you trustworthy?   Judgmental?   Do you follow through? Are you inflexible or open to new ideas?  The way you express yourself can reveal a lot.  

 

Here are seven common words that can create unintended, negative impressions. 

 

1.   But.  Saying this word negates everything that precedes it and sounds like you're talking out of both sides of your mouth:  "I like you, but ."   Replace it with "and" to make both sides of your sentence true:   "I like you and ."

 

2.   Try.  Saying you'll "try" to do something reveals a lack of commitment and causes others to mistrust you.  It's a verbal escape clause.  There's a huge difference between trying to do your best and doing your best.  Stop trying and just do it. 

 

3.   Should.  Whether you say this in reference to yourself ("I should go on a diet") or when telling others what they should do, it comes across as judgmental, critical and negative.  Eliminate it all together.  

 

4.   Have to.  Adults don't like to be told what they have to do!  The natural response is to resist and rebel.  If you want cooperation offer options, choices, and suggestions. Allow others to be involved in the outcome rather than dictating it.    

 

5.   Always.  Rarely is this word an accurate description of a person or situation.  Using it makes you sound too extreme.  It's much safer to use words such as:   "sometimes," "occasionally", or "usually."

 

6.   Never.  Again, extreme language that categorically shuts down the other side as in, "I never see you help out."  Instead, give specific examples, or replace it with "sometimes" or "occasionally," as in, "I feel that sometimes you could help out more."   

 

7.  Obviously.  Since each of us bases our opinions on our own perceptions, what's obvious to you may not be true for others.  Assuming so comes across as arrogant.   Instead of making broad generalizations, own your message, "Based on what I've noticed it appears to me."

Would you like to improve your communication skills?  Book a coaching session with Susan.

                     

 

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 Difficult Conversations:  Protecting Your Private Life from Coworkers

Q:  I have a lot going on in my life right now.  When I appear sad or depressed, my coworkers ask what’s wrong, but I’m not ready to talk.  How can I tell them to back off without appearing rude?

A:  I am actually glad to hear your coworkers are concerned about your well-being rather than ignoring you.  I’m sure they’d be open to your requests for some space.  You can do that without over-explaining or divulging too much.  It might sound like this, “I appreciate your concern for me.  I am dealing with a lot right now, but would like to keep it private.  In the meantime, if there’s anything you’d like to discuss regarding my professional performance, please let me know.”

 

When you’re ready, I would encourage you to seek counseling.  Friends and coworkers can be part of a good support system, but they listen differently than a mental health professional.  Click here for tips from the American Counseling Association on choosing an appropriate counselor (left side of page).

Submit your difficult questions to Susan_Fee@msn.com.  If your question is chosen for publication, you’ll receive a complimentary copy of Dealing With Difficult People.

   

   

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Workshops, Products, and Services

Upcoming Workshops and Appearances.  Engagements are open to the public when noted.

Make this year’s holiday staff luncheon memorable!  Book Susan as you speaker today!  Popular holiday topics include: Put Happy Back in the Holidays, Stress Management, and Maintaining a Positive Focus.

Mead Johnson Nurses Conference

Maintaining a Positive Focus & Positive First Impressions          

November 7, 2007

Warrensville Heights, OH

Girl Scout Troop 383

Stress Management for Girls

November 16, 2007

Sagamore Hills, OH

Athletic Business Conference

It’s Not Me, It’s YOU! & Strengths-Based Career Management

November 30, 2007

Orlando, FL

Products and Services

 

Order a PowerPack and save money!

Interested in booking training or coaching?  Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

Susan Fee is a licensed counselor, business and personal coach, and college adjunct faculty member.  She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!  (Adams Media).  She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2007