In This Issue

News & Notes: Sharpening the Saw

Manager's Tip Sheet:  You Agree With Me, Right?

Personal Tip Sheet:  Negotiating a Raise

Difficult Conversations:  Challenging a Resistant Employee

Workshops, Products, and Services 

...................................

News & Notes:  Sharpening the Saw

 

If you recognize the headline, then perhaps you've read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.  (If you haven't, I highly recommend it!) His advice still rings true.  Sharpening the saw refers to the importance of setting time aside for personal renewal.  

 

Covey states that in order to give to others, we must make a conscious effort to regularly reinvest in ourselves in four areas:   physical, spiritual, mental, and social/emotional.   If you're feeling overwhelmed or drained, it's probably because one of these four dimensions is lacking.

 

This month, I'm applying Covey's advice by taking an 11-day cruise.   Although it's a working vacation because I'm speaking, I'll have plenty of downtime for rest and relaxation.   I have my books, writing journals, and exercise clothes ready to go!   There's never a convenient time to take a break, you just have to do it.   Put yourself on your calendar first, and then fill in everyone else.  

 

Here's a stress reduction idea: help others sharpen their saw by giving tips booklets as holiday gifts!   They offer valuable content at an affordable price with no calories.   It doesn't get any better than that!

 

Bon Voyage,     

Susan Fee

---

Manager's Tip Sheet:  You Agree With Me, Right?

Have you ever concluded a conversation assuming the other person was in total agreement with you, and then later found out he or she didn't agree with a word you said?   This is a common misunderstanding between men and women due to differences in interpreting listening signals.   Of course, the first tip is to never assume!   In addition, be aware of these possible miscues:  

 

Nodding head:   In general, women nod to show they are listening and encourage the speaker to continue.   However, this does not necessarily mean they agree with what's being said.   Men tend to nod ONLY when they are in agreement.   Become aware of when you nod your head during conversation, and clarify this signal verbally rather than assume agreement.     

 

Silence:   The use of silence can be interpreted differently between cultures and genders.   Many women stay silent as a courtesy to allow the other person to continue speaking.   This can be misinterpreted as agreement if a man assumes she will interrupt if she disagrees.   Remember, silence does not automatically equal agreement.   The only way to be sure is to ask.        

 

Attending signals:   Women tend to rely more on attending skills such as eye contact, saying “mm-mm” or head nodding to demonstrate attentive listening.   Since many men interpret these same signs as showing agreement, they may not offer them at all.   This causes women to repeat their message, assuming it was not heard (often referred to as nagging).   The result is that women first try to gain agreement that they were heard while men may be focusing on whether-or-not they agree with the message.  

 

Listen to Susan's Audio Tips on Gender Communication                              

---

Personal Tip Sheet:  Negotiating a Raise

No matter how much you think you deserve a raise, you must prepare for the conversation.   In the October issue of Money magazine (page 54), writer Carolyn Bigda offers a terrific step-by-step strategy to help you think through your request.   In addition to her ideas, here are five more tips:

 

Prove past performance.   Tie your request directly to meeting and exceeding performance standards and how your work impacts the bottom line.   It's not reasonable to ask for a raise because you want a new car; make everything company related.   Be prepared with recent examples of projects, customer service and retention, and performance reviews.   Practice talking about your achievements in a confident way.           

 

Offer future value.   Establish why you will continue to be valuable in the future.   List classes, research, projects, or relationships that show you are worth a greater investment.   

 

Do your research.   Know the average salary for people in similar positions and workloads.   Make your boss aware of additional work you do that is outside of your job description or title.     

 

Time your request.    Securing a raise is far easier before the year's budget is set, so approach your boss with plenty of lead time.   Also, schedule an appointment with your boss to discuss your request rather than dropping in, unannounced.

 

Have a Plan B.   Strong negotiators think in flexible terms rather than black and white.   Be prepared to discuss a salary range rather than one set number.   If your boss turns you down, what else can you negotiate?   Would you be willing to reduce your workload, work from home, or increase vacation days?   If don't receive a raise, will you look for other employment?   Will you consider a bonus now and revisit your request in six months?   Knowing your terms and having a backup plan will give you added confidence.         

 

Learn more ways to market yourself.  

 

---

 Difficult Conversations: Challenging a Resistant Employee

Q:  About two months ago I gave my assistant a verbal warning for not completing a task that he had been assigned. I wrote this verbal out and gave it to him to sign. He knows this will be kept in his personnel file for one year and then thrown out if nothing else comes up during the coming year. When I asked him for the signed form he told me that he wanted to schedule a meeting with my boss to discuss it first. I was surprised as I didn't think he would want my superior to know about his incomplete assignment. It's been two months and he has not scheduled that appointment. When I asked him for the form this past week, he said between his vacation and my boss', he hadn't gotten around to it. What is the best way to handle this?

 

A:   Is it normal procedure to discuss something with your superior that has not been discussed with you?  You need to have the power to resolve issues and if not, then it goes to the next level.  Without that in place, he's been able to hold out on you. 

His scheduling problems may or may not be legitimate, but at this point he needs a hard deadline.  Print out another copy of your letter so that he cannot say it was lost.  Speak to your boss and mention that this employee is hoping to schedule a meeting within a week and to ask if his/her schedule is open.   Clarify that you are available to join a meeting should there be something discussed that you need to be aware of.

When you speak to your assistant, be firm:   “I'd need your signed form one week from today at 9 am .   That gives you ample time to schedule an appointment with the boss; I've already confirmed that he/she has openings and will see you.   I also have time to discuss your concerns.   Would you like to schedule a time now?”    There's no guarantee how he'll respond, but more than likely this strategy will cause movement.

                

 

Submit your difficult conversations to Susan_Fee@msn.com.     

   

---

Workshops, Products, and Services

Upcoming Workshops and Appearances. 

 

“Fathers and Daughters: Building Communication”

Lake Ridge Academy

November 6

North Ridgeville , OH

 

“Positive Ways to Express Your Stress”

Lubrizol Corporation

November 9

Wickliffe , OH

 

“Creative Ways to Motivate Employees” and “You Are Not the Boss of Me!”

Athletic Business Conference

November 14-16

Las Vegas , NV

 

“Positive Ways to Express Your Stress”

TRW

November 17

Independence , OH

 

Special Interest Speaker: Relationships and Communication

Celebrity Cruise Lines

November 19-December 1

Mexico  

Products and Services

New booklet and e-booklet titles available!  

 

Building Resiliency: 68 Coping Strategies for Surviving & Thriving During Adversity

 

Secrets for Successful Presentations: 81 Tips to Prepare and Deliver Every Speech with Confidence!

 

Order a PowerPack and save money!

Interested in booking training or coaching?  Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

Susan Fee is a licensed counselor, business and personal coach, and college adjunct faculty member.  She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!  (Adams Media).  She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2005