In This Issue

News & Notes: Energy In, Energy Out

Manager's Tip Sheet:  Purpose of Brick Walls    

Personal Tip Sheet:  Speak Up or Stay Silent?   

Difficult Conversations:  Silencing a Loud Coworker       

Workshops, Products, and Services 

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News & Notes:  Energy In, Energy Out

I just finished reading the latest book by Marcus Buckingham called Go Put Your Strengths to Work!  (Free Press, 2007).  He offers a simple, yet revealing exercise to help determine your strengths that’s worth doing.

Make two lists, one labeled “love” and the other “loathe.”  For one week, note activities that pump you up, make you want to learn more, and feel energizing.  List them on your “love” list.  Likewise, list anything that causes dread, procrastination and feels draining on the “loathe” list.  (Yes, it’s okay to list people!)

Your goal is to create a life centered on that energizing list.  If not, you will be more negative, depressed, and communicating a rather listless message about yourself. 

Two things that are always on my energizing list are physical challenge and experiencing nature.  This month, I’m combining them and fulfilling a lifelong dream of hiking the Grand Canyon!  I am totally pumped, a sure sign of something I should be doing.  Check my blog later this month for pictures, and please let me know what you have discovered about your strengths.

 

Until next month,

 

Susan Fee

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Manager's Tip Sheet: Pupose of Brick Walls

 

Randy Pausch, a 46-year-old computer-science professor at Carnegie Mellon University, has terminal cancer and expects to live for just a few more months.

This week, he said goodbye to his students and the Pittsburgh college with one last lecture called "How to Live Your Childhood Dreams," on his life's journey and the lessons he's learned.  Ironically, the lecture is a college tradition known as “The Last Lecture” where a professor is chosen to give a lecture as if it is his or her last.  It is so moving and full of wisdom, ABC news has posted the video and I’ve included the link below.

It’s in four segments and lasts about 1.5 hours.  Watch it by yourself first and then consider using it as a training tool for your staff.  It could be used to stimulate discussion on many topics such as motivation, purpose, leadership, mentors and teamwork.

Here are some questions to help you facilitate:

What childhood dreams have inspired your life?

 

What brick walls have you encountered?  How about our company/team/industry?  How do we break through them?

Who are your mentors?  What have you learned? 

How have you enabled the dreams of others?

What projects have created a sense of bonding for our team?  What are the signs?

Are you Tigger or Eyeore?

What will be your professional legacy? 

Dying Professor's Lecture of a Lifetime (link now unavailable).

 

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Personal Tip Sheet:  Speak Up or Stay Silent?

Should I say something or let it go?  Have you ever struggled with that dilemma?  I certainly have.  Sometimes emotions get in the way of making the best decision.  Sometimes we feel pressured to respond in the moment.  Unless it’s an emergency, there’s no rule that says you must speak up immediately.  In fact, if you’re unsure, waiting at least 24 hours is probably best.  Here are some other guidelines to help you decide the best response.

Speak up if

Silence could be damaging.  There are lots of ways silence can be damaging in both personal and professional situations.  Professionally, an ethical violation could have many negative repercussions.  Or, relationships could end, hurting your reputation and future business.  Personally, silence could lead to more misunderstandings or poor health due to stress.

There is a clear desired outcome. Often we make the mistake of speaking up before we really know what we want.  This results merely in a complaint about someone, which understandably is received defensively, causing a fight.  What do you want to happen? What are you asking for?  Knowing this will help guide your comments.

Your comments are behavior-based.  If you attack a person for being “rude” or “selfish” your conversation attempts will backfire.  Behavior means specific actions as in what a person has said or done, not your interpretations of what the behavior meant to you.

Stay silent if:

Your goal is revenge.  If your only point is to inflict pain, blame, lay a guilt trip, or generally let someone have it, bite your tongue!  It may feel good in the moment, but seconds after you’ll most likely have regrets and a bigger mess to resolve.

Your comments are personality-based.  You can’t ask someone to change his personality, only how it is expressed around you.  That means specific behavior.

You are avoiding responsibility.  If you are engaged in a difficult relationship, it’s a two-way street.  Unless you are willing to examine and admit how you have contributed to the situation, you are all about blame.  It’s unreasonable to ask others to change unless you are willing to do the same.

More tips on Dealing With Difficult People

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 Difficult Conversations: Silencing a Loud Coworker

Q: I work in an office that has walls that only go up to about three quarters to the ceiling.  Directly across from my “office” is a co-worker that is extremely loud when on the phone.  As a matter of fact, he can be heard throughout the entire building of about 25 employees.  Unfortunately his desk faces the doorway of his office that is across from my space.  We all know he can speak in a quieter voice as we have heard him do this on some of his phone calls.

At one time I told him he could be heard all of the way back to the conference room and his response was “good, then everyone will know I am working.”  What would be the best approach to take? He is only 58 years old and does have good hearing.

When he is on a call and feels he needs to let others know of his call we all tell him we already heard!  Even our boss will say the same thing to him.

A:  I can hear your frustration!  From your description, it appears you, your co-workers, and even your boss are letting this man know he’s loud, but are you specifically requesting a change in behavior or just assuming he’ll catch on? 

As noted in the above article, a clear desired outcome must be stated such as, “I’d like to talk to you about our work environment.  I’m having difficulty concentrating on my work because of the volume of your phone calls.  I’m asking you to please cut your volume in half so that both of us can complete our work.  I realize you may not be aware how far your voice carries, so perhaps we can work together to come up with a signal that’s respectful and an easy reminder.  What are your ideas?”

I’m unsure why your boss has allowed this to continue, especially if productivity is negatively affected.  The best you can do is to ask for cooperation from your co-worker.  Update your boss on your efforts. If your attempts are rejected, the boss needs to deal with it.  

Submit your difficult questions to Susan_Fee@msn.com.  If your question is chosen for publication, you’ll receive a complimentary copy of Dealing With Difficult People.

   

   

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Workshops, Products, and Services

Upcoming Workshops and Appearances.  Engagements are open to the public when noted.

 

“Mean Girls:  Helping Your Daughter Develop Positive Friendships”

October 23, 6:30-8:30 PM

“Full Esteem Ahead!  Building and Maintaining Self Esteem in Girls”

October 30, 6:30-8:30 PM

Cost:  $20 per workshop, or $35 for both.

Location:  7007 E. Sprague, Suite 1, Independence, OH.

Register by calling:  800-600-5327

 

Products and Services

 

New!  Parent Coaching for Daughters

 

Order a PowerPack and save money!

Interested in booking training or coaching?  Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

Susan Fee is a licensed counselor, business and personal coach, and college adjunct faculty member.  She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!  (Adams Media).  She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2007