Products by

Susan Fee

In This Issue

News & Notes:  Hopeless to Helpful

Topic of the Month: Finding Meaning in Adversity

Questions for Reflection

Action Step

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News & Notes: Hopeless to Helpful

Before last week, I had never given any thought to the people of Haiti or their needs.  I was not concerned about the country’s economy, infrastructure, or for that fact where exactly Haiti was located on a map. 

Today is different.  I made a charitable contribution to aid in relief efforts because today, I know more than I did last week.  It took an earthquake to get my attention.  That’s just one of the many ways tragedies can be of value to us.  Great adversity can focus our attention and has the potential of bringing out the best in people.

Tragedies also have the potential to drown us in a feeling of helplessness.  Whether the event is global or personal, we can feel overwhelmed or assume life is unfair.  This month’s tip sheet offers tips on finding meaning in adversity and how to best respond.  

Until next month,

Susan Fee

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Topic of the Month: Finding Meaning in Adversity

It can be difficult to make sense of suffering, especially if it seems undeserved.  While life can appear to be full of inequities, it is absolutely fair in one area:  each and every one of us will experience adversity.

In his book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Harold Kushner writes, “Laws of nature do not make exceptions for nice people.  A bullet has no conscience; neither does a malignant tumor or an automobile gone out of control.  That is why good people get sick and get hurt as much as anyone.” So, if being “good people” will not allow us to escape hardship, perhaps the goal is to allow the circumstances to make us better people.  Here are four ways to do it:

Stay fluid.  Is your life exactly the same as it was one year ago?  Have you gained/lost weight, made/lost a friend, read a new book or had a new thought?  The truth is we are in constant flux.  Even when tragedy strikes, life continues to evolve.  The intense pain we feel will soon soften and something new can unfold, if we let it. 

Change the question.  It’s tempting to ask, “Why me?”  Yet, if everyone experiences adversity a more realistic question to consider is “Why not me?”  Once we accept that we are meant to experience challenges, we can ask ourselves more helpful questions such as, “What changes do I need to make?  How can I respond in a healthy way?” 

Find the lesson.  A friend of mine is receiving treatment right now for ovarian cancer.  While we are sad for her suffering, her friends are greatly inspired by her renewed dedication to her children and it’s made us more attentive to our families.  Pain has the power to transform us if we’re willing to find the lesson and change our life accordingly. 

Share your story.  Sixty Minutes reporter Mike Wallace suffered from depression for twenty years until he received proper treatment.  He told his story (including his attempted suicide) on PBS’s recent series on mental health.  He said his goal in talking publicly was to help others avoid the type of pain he went through.  His story is very powerful and I’ve included the link on my blog.  Pain can mature into healing when we use our life to improve the life of someone else.  

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Questions for Reflection

What’s the hardest challenge you’ve ever had to face?  What lessons did you learn?

Do you embrace or complain about hardship?  How does your response impact you?

Who else could benefit from the lessons you’ve learned through suffering?

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 Action Step

List three reasons you are a better person today because of having to face a particular challenge.

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Interested in booking training or coaching?  Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

Susan Fee is a licensed counselor, personal coach, and national speaker.  She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Dealing with Mean girls, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!  She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2009