In This Issue

News & Notes: What's Going Right?

Manager's Tip Sheet:  What's Your Problem?

Personal Tip Sheet:  Resolutions:  All Talk, No Action?

Difficult Conversations:  If You Don't Mind Me Asking

Workshops, Products, and Services 

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News & Notes:  What's Going Right?

There are two ways to approach a problem:   1) ask what's going wrong and decrease it or 2) ask what's going right and increase it.   Based on my experiences with clients, I would say most people focus on what's going wrong.  

 

If this is your tendency, examine what really happens when you ask this question.   What's your thought pattern?   How is your energy level?   How are relationships affected?   What is the quality of your solutions?   Most people become increasingly depressed, agitated, and anchored in the past.   I see their bodies become tense and energy levels drop.   They have difficulty coming up with new possibilities but no trouble at all recounting everything that doesn't work.      

 

Answers are only as good as the questions you ask.   Whether it be advancing your career or dealing with personal relationships, my challenge to you in this New Year is to ask what's going right and focus on increasing it.   If nothing is going right, then shift to when things were at least better and ask what's changed?

 

If this is your year for change and you're ready for more challenging questions, learn more about how personal coaching can help move you forward.

   

 

Until next month,

Susan Fee

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Manager's Tip Sheet:  What's Your Problem?

 Imagine it's time for an employee review.   He or she is performing above expectations in five out of six areas, but the one lagging skill is way below standards.   What will you spend the most time talking about?   If your answer is to spend the most time “problem-solving” about what's wrong, the result will be a de-motivated employee.  

 

Appreciate inquiry (AI) is an alternative way to address change that focuses on asking what works versus what's the problem?   It's based on positive assumptions such as:   In every society, organization, group (and individual) something works and people have more confidence and comfort to journey to the future when they carry parts of the past with them.  

 

So, a more effective way to address the employee's below par performance is to inquire about what he's doing to create superior performance in other areas and discuss ways he can carry those skills forward to address future challenges.   Here are four examples of questions you could ask:

 

Describe in detail what happened when you achieved superior results.   What conditions or people were present that supported you?      

 

What are two or three strengths you have that you feel shine through no matter the situation?

 

Tell me about a time when you used these strengths to overcome a challenge.   How did you do it?

 

What could you do right now to recreate those same conditions?

 

Suggested reading:   Appreciative Inquiry Handbook by Cooperrider, Whitney, & Stavros (2005) Berrett-Koehler.  

 

Ready to learn the art of appreciate inquiry?   Find out more.

 

              

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Personal Tip Sheet:  Resolutions:  All Talk, No Action?

I'd like to make a prediction:   Tell me your resolutions for the New Year (if you made any) and I'll tell you whether you are likely to achieve them.   By the way, I claim no special power, nor do I own a crystal ball.   All I have to do is listen to you state your goals and screen your delivery for these telltale signs of being all talk and no action:                  

 

Try versus do.   Including the word “try” in your resolution is saying it with an escape clause.   It communicates that you have yet to fully commit to your goal, or you may not believe you can achieve it.   There's a big difference between saying, “I'm going to try to quit smoking,” versus, “I'm going to quit smoking.”    

 

Vague versus specific.   It's hard to take action on a goal that lacks specifics.   The more vague your description, the less believable you become.  

 

Future versus present tense.   Those with intent to follow through with a goal speak about it in the present tense and give examples of what they are doing today .   But, those who lack follow through talk about achieving in the future.   They use words like “someday,” “soon,” or the phrase, “just as soon as.”    

 

If you really want to meet your resolutions this year, speak with conviction!            

 

Read more about how to achieve goals 

 

 

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 Difficult Conversations: If You Don't Mind Me Asking

Q:   My friend is constantly asking me how much I paid for things.   I think she's more curious than nosy, but I feel it's rude.   Sometimes she does this in front of others whom I don't want knowing my finances.   What can I say?       
   

A:   I'll never forget watching a TV interview where Barbara Walters asked Johnny Carson how much he earned.   Carson, responded straight-faced and stern, “Where I come from, that's considered a rude question.”   That may be too harsh a response for your friend, but it goes to show that people have different boundaries when it comes to discussing money.   

 

It's up to you to set the limits of what you are willing to share.   When someone gets too personal, you can give a broad response such as, “The prices range depending on what you want.   I can provide you with the salesperson's name or a catalogue if you'd like more information.”   If you refuse to give details, eventually she'll give up.  

 

However, if she persists, speak with her privately and be honest.   Let her know you appreciate her interest in your purchases, but feel uncomfortable sharing how much you paid.   The look on her face:   shock.   The etiquette lesson:   priceless.    

 

 

Submit your difficult conversations to Susan_Fee@msn.com.     

   

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Workshops, Products, and Services

Upcoming Workshops and Appearances. 

“Interpersonal Skills Training”

Production Tool Company

January 12, 19, 26 & February 16, 23

Twinsburg, OH

 

“Mean Girl Syndrome:   Understanding Relational Aggression”

Allen Elementary

January 17, 2007

Strongsville, OH

 

“Responding to Adversity”  

Lakeland Community College Women's Center

January 22, 2007 6:00-8:00 PM

Kirtland, OH

 

“Self-Esteem:   The Key to Your Child's Success”

Cuyahoga Valley Career Center

January 24, 2007 7:00-8:30 PM

Brecksville, OH

Products and Services

 

Stand and Deliver!  Improve your presentations today with tips from

Secrets for Successful Presentations: 81 Tips to Prepare and Deliver Every Speech with Confidence!

 

Order a PowerPack and save money!

Interested in booking training or coaching?  Let me know how I can help, Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

Susan Fee is a licensed counselor, business and personal coach, and college adjunct faculty member.  She is the author of Positive First Impressions, Dealing with Difficult People, Building Resiliency, Secrets of Successful Presentations, and the college survival guide, My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!  (Adams Media).  She can be reached through her Web site at www.susanfee.com or by email at Susan_Fee@msn.com. 

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 2005