We all need feedback from others in order to grow, but some people are so sensitive, you can't even smile without them taking it the wrong way!  They can get defensive, emotional, quiet, and some will accuse you of unfairly picking on them.   Their reactions can become so uncomfortable that you start to avoid giving them feedback.  Big mistake.  If you do, the sensitive person quickly learns that all it takes is a little display of emotion to get out of feedback sessions.  In the end, no one benefits.

Here are some tips for giving feedback to sensitive people:

• Say it in person and in writing.   Meeting in person gives you the opportunity to answer questions and check for misinterpretations before they become overwhelming.   Written feedback reinforces your intent, especially if the sensitive person tends to twist your words and meaning.   Avoid email as your only form of communication!   There are too many opportunities for misunderstandings.  
• Ask for clarification.   Ask employees to repeat the feedback in their own words to make sure they understand your meaning. If they heard something vastly different than you intended (which often happens with sensitive people) clarify before you move on.       
• Plan extra time.   Giving feedback to an especially sensitive person can take more time than you think.   Make sure you plan ahead so that you're not rushing, otherwise the person becomes overwhelmed, and you can become irritated due to other time commitments.  
• Focus on future behavior.   The purpose of feedback is to influence future behavior; no one can change the past.   Focus your comments only on observable behavior, not personality judgments like "You're too sensitive."   Detail how the person can change to improve the next time.  
• Give small doses, more frequently.   Rather than holding mega feedback sessions, meet more frequently, sharing one or two small items at a time.   This gives a sensitive person time to digest what you've said, make any necessary changes, and build confidence.
• Share positives.   Feedback is not only corrective, but also positive!   If the only time you ask to speak to an employee is to share what's wrong, you train people to dread your call.   Instead, hold some sessions in which the only thing you do is offer praise.   
• Ride the emotions.   If an employee becomes emotional during a feedback session, you may need to take a short break.   But, it's important to continue your meeting.   So, if someone begins to get angry or cry, stop.   Ask if the person would like five minutes to calm down, and then resume.   If it happens again in the same meeting, follow the same procedure.   Eventually the person learns that even though feedback may be difficult to hear, it's necessary and required.
• Check yourself.   If you tend to avoid sensitive people, it might be helpful to check your own emotions.   What makes you uncomfortable?   How does avoiding certain people or topics affect your relationships?   How might you benefit by learning to handle sensitive people better?  Learn more about managing emotions here. 

Want to learn more about how to successfully manage others?  Contact Susan today!